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Date: Fri, 16 Jan 2004 19:18:26 -0500
Subject: REHASH--#420 LOA & Floss' Hashwarming House Trial
So here I am, sitting in my office, looking out the frost covered windows at ice-covered Route 590, and the tragicomedy of vehicles slamming into each other because they apparently think THEIR vehicle has more traction than other cars when driving on solid ice and its so cold out that the salt can't melt it, when I began to think back to the last time it was WARM, and SUNNY, and I was able to RUN outside.....and it all started to come back to me as if in a drunken haze--it was Saturday, January 4, 2004, and I was at the special Saturday Ithaca HASH, and it was 62 degrees on the big bank clock in downtown metropolitan Trumansburg.....and we were wearing SHORTS and T-Shirts outdoors in January in upstate NY, and we were SWEATING!!......and suddenly from the back recesses of that drunken haze, a little voice came forth and reminded me: "You volunteered to write the rehash, you stupid fool!"
So, without further ado, here it is:
Hashers near and far were summoned to T-burg to celebrate Butt Floss and Little Oral Annie's new crib housewarming, and it just happened to be a full moon, so the WCNYFull Moon hash was slated to tatke place that evening. More than 25 hashers turned out for the occasion at the NAPA auto parts parking lot, almost as many from Flour City as from Ithaca, with several virgins in the mix. It was truly the nicest January day ever seen in these parts.
After the usual chalk talk, the pack was off searching for flour, found what we thought was true trail, and promptly began confusing "X"s with those silly threepronged forks in the road that Floss is so fond of. Once we got that sorted out, after a tour of ALL the back streets of Trumansburg, and a chance meeting with Trojan, one of the original Ithaca hashers circa 1987 (who was out RUNNING instead of HASHING), we finally got to go off road and onto some trail, where we spotted a "BN". Refreshments were soon fournd behind the old Trumansburg fairgrounds (home of the annual summer Grassroots music festival and HASH).
Then we were off again, finally found some good shiggy on the T-burg high cross country trail, then back to Main Street, where we crashed a funeral party at a bar for the second beer stop.
Half Monty did his best to pick up one of the mourners, in true hash style. Skull was about to break out into song, "My name is Jack, I'm a necrophiliac.." but was fortunately led out the door by the sight of yet more flour. So we ran around another neighborhood before finally arriving at the OnIN in BF and LOA's backyard.
Many down downs were had by virtually all present. The hares drank for a shitty trail. Cums latelies drank for that offense. Visitors drank. Skull and Mr. Stiffy got to drink twice, for both being cums latelies to the IH3 and for being visitors from FCH3. Hot Lips drank just for sticking around for the OnIn, for the first time in two years. Stonz and (Dr.)Minky drank for being the BLEABS--they were there a whole day early! But since Minky was ill, Stonz drank twice as much. We saluted Minky getting her Ph.D. with a social. Bobber Balls didn't get to drink at all, because he spent the entire hour of the OnIn and then some, trying to find the road back to Floss and LOA's from downtown T-burg (about 100Yards), and got a ticket while doing it.
The circle adjourned to indoors, where burgers and weiners and other assorted hash food was served. Strip Jenga took place in the living room. Skull left his mug at Floss & LOA's, where it was promptly kidnapped and defiled, and is most likely being held for ransom to get Skull to attend more Ithaca hashes. Then it was time for the Full Moon Hash......but that's another story.
OnOn,
Mr. Stiffy
Date: Mon, 19 Jan 2004 10:50:10 -0800 (PST)
Subject: RE-Hash January 18, 2004
For the faithful Sunday brings a day of reflection and
reconciliation. For the fateful Sunday brings the
Hash. On this Sunday the 18th day of January in the
year of 2004 no one was disappointed.
On this January day in Ithaca the weather was
exceptionally warm. A warm front driven by a rush of
hot air said to originate in Texas pushed its way
across the country to the northeast by means of a
vacuum of insight and common sense. The effect of this
phenomenon produced skies over Ithaca that were sunny,
warm, and down right unceasingly pleasant. I pulled
into the grassy parking lot of the Rice Hill field
station shortly after two. The parking lot was already
crowded with parents and many young children who had
come to picnic on the grass, fly kites, and make merry
with themselves. In attendance that day were; Hot
Lips, Ball Wrinkle, Dances With Head, Pussy Pong,
Bitch Squealer, Half Monty, Trojan, Phil M' Crack'n,
and myself (Extra Testicle).
While we waited for the Hot Lips to blow his own horn
Floss and LOA arrived to deliver beer just before one
of them had to jump a jet plane to Colorado. A few
Hashers brought kites and tiny windmills to play with
in the warm breeze high over Lake Cayuga. At the sound
of the horn we checked it out. We went this
way... false... we then went that way... false.. we then went
back that way... false... and so on it went until we
were on a true trial. At one of the many check points
(marked by a circle) Puker left a mark on all of our
minds, a smell worse than thirty thousand dead carp
stuffed with pig manure and vomit baking in the noon
day sun. Scatter ye Hashers, something evil this way
spring fourth from yonder canine's bowels, run for
your life. So we did.
As the breeze rocked the tall grass and the birds sang
of their homes in the sun we made our way across the
pasture and through the woodlands. As we emerged on
the other side of the woods and attempted to traverse
a quiet road we all of a sudden were struck deaf by
the beating a helicopter's blades close overhead. We
all hit the ground as the whirly bird lit on the road
before us. As the props slowly twisted to a halt we
cleared our eyes of the dust and gazed directly at the
black tinted windows of the craft. As we all began to
rise up from the ground the sliding door of the
chopper cracked open and slid aft and out jumped
almost in unison three men in dark blue, maybe black
suits, each with a wire in his ear. Each appeared to
talk to himself but upon a more careful evaluation I
realized that they were speaking to their counterparts
at the other end of the wire. The three took positions
around the helicopter to form a triangle. Just then
from the road behind us came six jet black Chevy
Suburbans. They raced up the hill all in single file
and came to an abrupt halt before us. All the doors
opened simultaneously except for one door. At this
time ten or more handsome and fit men stepped out of
vehicles. It was now clear to me and to the rest of
the Hashers that we were in the presence of greatness.
As one man stepped toward the unopened door we had no
doubt in our minds who was about to be before us. The
door opened, and there with one foot on the ground and
one foot on the side step of the Suburban stood George
W. Bush, the president of the United States. George
walked right up to me and extended his hand and said,
"I want to show the people of America that I care
about the commoner and that I care about the needs of
the average American". He went on to say that, "you
Hashers embody the spirit of America by enjoying this
great nation's woodlands and by imbibing some of this
nation's best beer, brewed by American laborers".
"Today I will show my support for democracy by Hashing
with you!" On-on Mr. President and off we went back
into the woods with ten beautiful secrete service guys
in tow.
The road was rough but the trail was nice. We enjoyed
a Hash view and a Hash song (that never happened
because no one could think of a song). After a great
long while the crew made its way to a stop. The secret
service guys were a bit winded so they took off their
jackets and shirts. One of the guys took out his Glock
and shot a crow for no reason. George was mad because
all the beer at the stop was either German or
Canadian. I pointed out that Saranac was from up-state
New York and that New York was in America. To this
George retorted, "New York... isn't that were the
Clinton's live? That man is no good!" he said.
Shortly we left and headed onward toward the on-in.
Pussy Pong got a piggy back ride from one of the
secrete service guys and George W. held Hershey's
leash as we made our way along. The last bit of the
trial didn't last long for in moments we were at the
on-in. We circled up and Dances With Head lead up as
we sang G rated Hash songs to avoid offending any of
the families that had gathered to enjoy the sun that
day. Trojan drank for being a "comes lately" and for
"premature checkulation", Ball Wrinkle drank for
filling his dogs body with stuff that would eventually
turn so foul, and Phil M' Crack'n drank over and over
for refusing to remove his hat. George drank for
screwing up the county and I drank for not brining my
mug. Squealer just disappeared. After the Hash circle
was over we went into the cabin at Rice Hill to escape
the sun for a while and Half Monty treated us to some
Goulash.
Just as George and company were leaving the Bobbits
showed up; LOA and Madonna! Even though she was late
we made Madonna drink for kissing Britney Spears on
TV. On the way out Monty made Madonna a bet, "I bet
you a drink of your choice that I can touch your
breast without touching your bra or your shirt." Half
Monty now owes Madonna a beer so she’ll be back in two
weeks to collect. Well anyway that is all for now,
just another day at the Hash in sunny Ithaca.
On-on!
ET
Date: Wed, 04 Feb 2004 15:20:25 -0500
The Day That Monty Sprinted
by Muffet
Feb 2, 2004....hash #???... uh, Spike? where the hell is Spike when you need him?
Well, whatever number it was, it was one more than the last one two weeks ago and one less than the next one and it was on a dreary Sunday in February that we all met at the fine drinking facility called the Chanticleer, fine because I said so and we being me (Muffet) Dances, Pong, Mr. Wrinkle (of the ball variety), Spike, ET, point five Monty, and Grande Chucha, btw, what the fuck is a chucha anyways because it sounds better as a Chico Chucha and he and Dancing Head were our hares and the amount of brilliant forthought and effort that they put into this day's hash will be evident after reading my Pulizter Prize winning re-hash, which is why he should be called Chico and not Grande!
whew, that was a pretty long run on sentance, let's see if I can do it again.
After a couple of pitchers of GOOD BEER (see what you come's lately's missed???) our band of miscreants set off accross the commons where Puker Wrinkle promptly set not one, not four, but THREE steaming examples of why dogs are not allowed on the commons...good boy puker, good boy...when BW reads you your bed time story tonight and has you tucked in you can rest assured that all the dogs in the area are proud of you for your defiance towards the evil dog hating humans in Ithaca!
After running away from the commons we came to a check at the corner of Seneca and whatever that other street is called, the one accross from Moosewood. I suggested a beer stop at the elitist vegetarian greasy diner, but we ran right passed it, oh well, maybe another time. We ran UP UP UP Buffalo, took a left on Stewart and ran passed the Chappy, with a few longful stares in the darkened, closed-for-business establishment.
Better though that it was closed, I'm still having nightmares about the last lunatic stalker-type girl that I picked up in that place. What mirth and joy everyone would have had (at my expense) had we showed up when the crazy lady was there! So we ran and we ran and we ran some more untill I didn't think we could run any longer, point five Monty suggested we have a beer stop at a convinience store, but the owner pre-empted that by barreling out the door brandishing a brookstick in one hand and a rolled up newspaper in the other and stating emphatically that his was NOT a drinking establishment. Down the hill we ran, with our tails behind our legs, until...like a light at the end of a tunnel, like a beacon of hope and justice in an otherwise bleak and dreary Ithaca Sunday in February...we saw it...The Fall Creek House!!!! We stampeded like a gang of pilgrims on the Hajj (luckily no one was trampled). A few more pitchers of GOOD BEER and we headed back out the door. Some of us took off down by the high school where Puker left a very special present for the students arriving the next day...good boy Puker, good doggie!!!
Okay so this damn thing is getting long...suffice to say, we ran around the 'burbs of Ithaca for about 1/2 an hour more, whining and crying about the hash being too long, about Republicans, about the weather...etc., until I witnessed something I don't think I've ever seen in my life and probably will never see again...
get this...
are you ready?
We were on Seneca, going west, when O'Leary's came into plain view on the horizon...the general chatter took on a more hopeful tone and the pack picked up speed untill one true hasher broke out of the pack and SPRINTED the last 100 ft to the front steps...
big deal you say, right? A hasher sprinting to a beer stop? Well this was no ordinary, run of the mill, breaking-out-of-the-pack spinter...it was 1/2 Monty!
I was there, I saw it and I will live to tell future generations of this hash history in the making!
Well, our dumb-ass hares failed to check the schedule at O'Learys and the place turned out to be closed, so you can bet your ass that Monty will probably never sprint to a beer stop again...he is now too emotionally tramautized...
So we ran back to the on-in at the Chanty...
Every one drank for something, Monty brought out some old musical instruments that we played around with, and a good time was had by all!
Now don't you wish YOU had come?
On-Out till the next hash
your humble hasher
Lil' Miss Muffet
The Accused: Hungman, Just Wayne,
Crime(s): Too Numerous to Mention
Time: 2-ish PM
Place: Castaways Bar, Ithaca, NY
Motive: To drink more BEER!
Accomplices: Spike, Dances with Head, Pussy Pong, Little Oral Annie, Floss, 1/2 Monty, Just Lynn, Just Chandra, Just Andrew, Little Miss Muffit, Mr. & Mrs. Stiffy
Story:
It was an unusually cold and unusually sunny Ithaca afternoon when this group of hooligans set out for the sailboatÉ what? Yes that is what the hare, Hungman told the group they should head (head? Who said head?) for as they started out to find trail. On the way there, PP fell victim to a mock sexual assault by Floss, who then fell victim to a mock sex act by ET. If we were in Okinawa, this sort of behavior would have had us all court marshaled! But in Ithaca, we didn't even punish it with a down-down. Onward we trudged through really heavy snow. The dogs (Just He! rshey and Just Jacob) were the lucky ones as they were able to skate across the surface with ease.
Onward we trudged trying to find flour at every turn, while cursing that this must be some ploy by Hungman to get us in to his office to have our eyes examined, because we couldn't see ANY! We finally got him to confess that he set trail in lemonade, and it doesn't show up in snowÉ After Just Lynn hash crashed while climbing up to the railroad tracks, we finally made our way to the first beer stop where our no-longer-virgin hashers, Just Chandra and Just Andrew, dug out the whiskey! These two sure know how to hash! Beer and Jack Daniels were drank by all as we watched the gallon of untouched water molecules in the jug slowly turn to ice, and before we knew it we were off again. This time we kept going and going, and going, until we reached a hilltop with an amazing view, but no beer. What we did find there were garbage bags stashed by the hares Hangm! an and Just Wayne. Within seconds we found ourselves at the bottom of the hill and on our way back to the bar, many hashers still wearing their diaper/toga attires.
At Casataways everyone drank for something, many awards were given out. Here it was discovered that LOA made Just Lynn come while sitting on a piano bench at the Big Red Barn (I think that's a hash name in the making!), several hashers drank for wearing matching attire, the hares drank for not using flour, Just Chandra and Just Andrew drank for bringing JD on trail, Mrs. Stiffy drank for never leaving camp, Mr. Stiffy was made to drink as a comes-lately and as a visitor, and for numerous other accusationsÉas did many others. ET received the Big Balls award from PP for failing to make his partner-in-crime Harry Condom, Jr. come (we hear she prefers to stay home and work on taxes), LOA (who was drinking as Just Lynn's virgin-proxy) received the hash-crash award from ET. Dog owners als! o drank, and promises were made to give Ball Wrinkle a big down-down at the next hash for being in sunny Florida while the rest of the hashers braved sub-zero temps just to drink beer.
On-On to the next hash set by Phil Mc'Crackin' and Vibrator this Sunday!
Date: Mon, 1 Mar 2004 16:31:07 -0500
Once upon a time (like yesterday), in a warm (by Ithaca standards) and sunny land (like Danby), the Ithaca Hash House Harriers gathered together for the 424th Ithaca Hash (fanfare, fanfare, etc.).
All (well, most) of the hash regulars were there, including Dances, Monte (and that dog), Li'l Miss (and the dog that all other dogs seem to want to mount), Hot Lips, Rowdy, LOA (who came unaccompanied because Floss decided he had better things to do; pfft... his daughter's giving birth; what kind of an excuse is that for missing a hash), and Spike. There were long lost appearances from Road Kill, Tequila, Staffy, Women There, and Captain Slimy, and a very long lost appearance from Over Easy. And, of course, there were the virgins: Just Matt (with his frisbee) and Just Chandra's sister (Just Sister; she actually had a fairly common name spelled in a fairly uncommon way, so i can't remember it right now).
Hare Phil McCrackin showed up, and the hash began...
And off the hashers went, charging boldly (in a lemming sort of way) up the hill into the distance. On and on they went: past the first mark, past the second mark, past the false, way past the false, past the intersection, past all reason and into the distance.
Then Ball Wrinkle showed up with two dogs, had a good laugh with the hare, and all the hashers returned to see if they could find the real trail.
So off they started, through the woods on the Finger Lakes Trail. Well... the hare swore that there were marks there when he set the trail (the other hashers just swore). And so, our faithful hashers went... there was snow and more snow. There was down hill and up hill. There was a trail somewhere, but they couldn't find it, so they just followed the hare for a bit.
Then there was beer. Yeah... beer. Beer in a large white van that could have belonged to a soccor mom. But, instead, it belonged to Hare Vibrator, the keeper of hash-rest beer.
And there was drinking and merriment, and the throwing of frisbee for all dogs present.
And then the hashers were off again. Across fields and fields again. Through shiggy and snow. And some more snow with some shiggy thrown in. Oh yeah, and then there were the rose bushes and other flesh scarring sharp nasty fun things. An then we came to this road. It was a hash rest. Hershey celebrated this hash rest with a volumous watery vomit. And fun was had by all.
And then there was running. And there was more snow, more shiggy, and a thinly frozen pond. And then there was another road. The hare tried really hard to tell the hash to run down the road, following the obvious hash marks. Of course, the hash seemed to be aware that the small house only a few metres away was the location of the On In, so there really was no reason to run any further.
And so the On In commenced with cornbread and chili. The hares, Vibrator and Phil McCrackin, were honoured, the virgins were honoured. The BEAB was Spike, the BLAB was Ball Wrinkle. The virgin Just Matt volunteered to drink for participating in the BEAB, and later volunteered to accuse himself of bleeding to much on trail. LOA, BW, McCrackin, Monte, and Li'l Miss drank for their dogs, while the dogs themselves took turns riding Li'l Miss's poofta hound. Road Kill was accused of something else, and Slimy, Women There, and Over Easy were accused of being comes latelies. Rowdy must have gotten accused of something, because we all know Rowdy. Just Chandra and Just Andrew, on the other hand, sat quietly in the corner with their virgin, probably plotting something.
And those are the facts as i vaguely recall...
Spike
Date: Wed, 17 Mar 2004 10:30:29 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Ithaca Re-Hash #425
The guilty: Little Miss Muffet and Turtle Wax
Present and accounted for: Dances with Head, Spike, BallWrinkle, Half Monty, LOA, Floss, Bitch Squeeler, Just Lynn, Just Meagan and Just Andrew. (I have too few brain cells to be accountable for missing anyone).
It was a blustery even icy day. The hash moved somewhat slow. So slow in fact that Just Andrew and his slow, 260 pound ass was an FRB. Other FRB's included Spike (duh) and Little Miss (yes that's right one of the hares) the Bleeb was Just Lynn, the Blab was Monty.
Hashers and dogs gathering at the Mt. Pleasant laundromat parking lot from where we proceeded on the Monkey Run trails. Ball Wrinkle boke out the orange "afro-twat"
Dances got in front of FRB Little Miss just long enough to get a picture.
And at long last a beer stop.
Dances got some picture of good doggie-porn while Hound Whore stood wishing he could get some of that action.
On the second half of the trail we had some rather scenic views high above Monkey Run where many hashers thought "what a great place for another beer break."
And lastly, the circle. Everyone drank for some reason or another. No virgins to be had today so the nameless (Andrew Meagan and Lynn) got there cherries back and drank. Just as it looked like Dances would be dry lips he did something stupid (showed up, I guess). Bitch Squeeler accused Just Meagan of Hash Crashing while nobody was looking which in turn delivered a forgotten mug accusation to Bsqueeler (ya'd think a cums-lately might at least bring her mug). Floss received two awards - for being grandpappy and a patch for the Bay City weekend from Ball Wrinkle (which LOA contends neither of them could possibly remember.
And just when Meagan thought she was about done drinking she was baptized Star 69 (ya see she has a propensity to talk on her cell on-trail) along with Andrew (who got caught trying to do Max the dog) became Hound Whore (or HH for short if you spell the way Monty does)
On-on to 426
Hound Whore
Date: Sun, 4 Apr 2004 14:14:18 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re-hash March 28, 2004
Let us set the scene here: great day, bright sun, warm
and weather! This day was a first of its kind!! Well
now! There we were, in the woods, with friends, dogs,
and beer. For the record the Place: Sin Again Hollow,
the people: ET, Ball Wrinkle, Pussy Pong, Dances
w/Head, Lil Miss Muffet, LOL, HCjr. Butt Floss, Hot
Lips, Road Kill, Red Crap (Hare), WT, and Captain
Slimy , and Pond Scum, Sphincter something or
another....and two hashers whose names have escaped me.
Sorry! We looked about for flour and found it. Once on
trial we trudged up and up and up, I mean calf
splitting hills. With every painful step Red Crap
became less and less well thought of. Red Crap sealed
his own fate by hiding the beer at the first beer stop
so well that not even Dance With Head could find it.
HASHER Non-grata!!!! Back on trial, more hills and
bone dry mouths. Finally some beer. We paused our
drinking to take a few snapshots in a thatched hut
made by some misguided boy scouts.
On-on we went! More
hills more shiggy, more mud, and more hell! Finally a
third beer stop. At this stop we were surprised to be
greeted by Little Oral Annie and Butt Floss.
OK....then
off we went back to the cars. Once there, we shuttled
ourselves to the on-in in Owego, NY (Red Crap's
place). The on-in was enjoyable, we drank, we were
punished, and we were humiliated! Afterwards we ate
grilled foods and chips! Fun day! I can't recall who
was punished for what, mea culpa!!!
--------------------------------------
Date: Sun, 4 Apr 2004 19:17:20 -0700 (PDT)
How much did you say you had to drink when you wrote this???
You forgot: Spike, Hound Whore, Just Chandra, and Red Crap's friend, and I wasn't even there for the whole hash. Not to mention you forgot how all the dog's once again had fun humping Murphy. I think Lil' Miss's dog is ready to be named . . .
Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2004 20:02:54 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: The Passion of the Hash
Mel Gibson couldn't of filmed a better holiday story that this one!
It was the day before Easter when we met for our traditional easter beer hunt at the traditional spot (the park with the funny name that i can't spell up in t-burg)
After trying in vain to catch a fish out of the lifeless lake Cayuga, I decided to wander on over to the parking lot where Floss, Loa, Calvin , Fuckem, and a whole bunch of other miscreants and hangers-on were gathered, being herded into a small group by a wild pack of mangy dogs.
More people arrived and more dogs. Let's see if I can remember them all...other then the ones mentioned above, and myself, there was ET, Grande Chucha, Rowdy Bush, Point Five Monty, Mr. Wrinkle, Country Cock, Trojan, BS, *69....hmmmm.... anyone else? There were a ton of virgins too, including one family that was out for a family stroll who accidently bumped into our gang and decided to join us in our fun.
The object of the day's hash was not running, or anything that even resembled exercise, it was to find hidden beer and easter eggs. So off we went, the pack of 11 dogs and 17 hashers, yelling "on-on" while running through Funny-named Park...
Mel Gibson lurked in the bushes waiting with a nail gun and crucifix for the weak and/or young among us to fall out of the pack and into his raving lunatic clutches...but we stuck together and made it to the first EBN (Easter Beer Near) without losing anyone.
Beer and eggs were found by most everyone...I found a blue straw, which, on account of it's pretty color, I assumed was an easter treat, so I carted it around with me for the rest of the hash... d'oh!
Soon we were On again, up to the road, up the hil, up and up and up, and then into the woods, where suddenly we were upon more beer: beer in the trees, beer in the ground, eggs, shiggy and a couple of group hash pictures (where are they???).
The horn sounded and we were off again, just as a guy with blue and white face paint, wearing a kilt and screaming some stupid thing about Scotland jumped out of the bushes and made a grab for me....I managed to hit him on the head with a Rolling Rock bottle which put him out long enough for me to escape and join the rest of the pack.
ON-ON to the gorge overlook, more easter beers, more eggs, more fun...
Somewhere along the line we lost Trojan...did Mel get him?
All the virgins seemed to stick around though, even the family who was out for a weekend stroll in the park.
Eventually, after many long, long miles, rabid rabbits and insane Hollywood holy rollers we managed to find our way back to the cars. A mini-down down was done for the virgins Just Ted and Just Meredith, who had some lame-assed excuse about having to leave us..Then we were off to Floss and LOA's home.
Our RA, Dances, was AWOL, so Calvin substituted...most everyone drank for something or another...this time, the non-dog owners had to drink!! HAHAHAHA! TAke that, you non-dog owners!
One of the virgins had to drink for the hienous crime of marrying Calvin's sister...there was something murky about that down-down too...mention of a sister, a wife...Calvin?...hmmm.....sounded sketchy to me.
The evening chill soon overtook the hash and the weak and young and old started falling out of the pack and going home. Circle was closed and a feast of burgers and dogs and yummy cheap beer followed.
Upon general readership and movie viewings of this hash/re-hash, we should gross $100 million and convert at least 2 or 3 virgins to our cause...don't you think?
The End
Your Humble Muffet
Date: Sun, 25 Apr 2004 14:29:35 -0700 (PDT)
2nd Annual Cortland Swimming Re-Hash
Hares: Red Crap, SMD, Smells Like Bush
From the view of the Cortland Swimming Alumni; the day started with Hangovers and squinting eyes as we opened doors to the bright sunny skies of Cortland (11:30 AM). We then put ourselves through shocking awakenings as we forced ourselves into the frigid waters of Holstein Pool (12:00-12:30). Once our bodies adjusted to the cold water and the Mental & Physical stresses about to be placed on our bodies. We then preceded the Hash with the Cortland Swimming and Diving Alumni swim meet (1:00). With the vast amounts of "carbo" loading the night before (6:00 PM-2:00 AM Friday) the Alumni easily won yet another victory against the current swimming and diving team of the Red Dragons. From the pool, all swimmers and divers met at the Community Restaurant for the Semi-Formal dinner (4:00). With the Hash set to ! start a 6:00 the Hares began to worry about getting flour, where to set trail and how many participants we will actually have, knowing all the swimmers need to go back to their rooms of choice to change into proper hashing clothing (MAYBE). So as the 1 hour long buffet line formed, I had time to go the local market to buy the flour. Knowing we had the flour I knew the hash would go off without a hitch. At the conclusion of dinner, exactly as planned everyone dispersed. SMD stayed back to welcome any hashers, as we met outside the restaurant. As the swimmers/hashers started to gather on the side walk more and more people kept arriving. With so many people being on time, it gave SMD a chance to do a "Deck Change" in the back parking lot. The number of Ithaca Hash House Harriers decreased, as they were at the Albany Red Dress, while the number of swimm! ers had increased a great amount in year one. We had 2 alumni that hashed in San Diego, Suck My Dick (SMD) and Smells Like Bush, who has moved back to NY. Those representing IH3 were Dances With Head, Pussy Pong, Country Cock, Just Corey, 1/2 Monty (Bobbitt), and myself, Red Crap. The remaining participants were either second time hashers or Virgins: Just...Jack, Jason, Scott, Greg, Bridget, Kevin, April, Kate, Ellie, Gardner, Jeff, Jessica, Murph, Amy (Bobbitt). With everyone present and hash cash paid, SMD lead us in a chalk talk as it varies from HASH to HASH. After the talk SMD and Smells Like Bush took off to set a live trail. For those that still did not understand, we gave a review of chalk talk. With a ten-minute lead, the pack took off. SMD lead us in the same direction as last year, but decided to keep it in the downtown area, since we did not have a "Swim House" to intrude in on the Alumni social for a Beer Near (BN). So they kept the trail on level ground. They lead us past! or near every bar in Cortland without stopping. Past children playing at a local schools play ground, through the front lawn of the Sheriffs office, almost back to the starting point, then by some more bars, only to circle back for the one and only BN. The plan was for Patino Murphy's but a college formal had the place filled. So we went next store to Ducci's to consume several pitchers. Being strapped for time with other alumni arrangements this became the on-in. We all gathered as Dances and SMD lead the down-downs: The Hares drank. IH3 hashers drank, when a hare drinks they all drink. Out of Towner's. Virgins. Dances and Murph for New shoes, Jason actually drank for Murph. Ellie, Kate, and April drank for wearing Jeans. If you did not drink, you drank. We closed the circle at about 7:45. The IH3 hashers and Jack began playing some billiards. When all of a sudden a Cortland College transit v! an pulled up out front of the bar and brought the swimmers to a disclosed location in Marathon. As the Swimmers were on their way to getting tanked. The rest of IH3 were left at the bar... I think Dances and PP were fine with this, as Dances looked like he had his fill of Beer from attending The Brew-Off. SMD presented Dances with a copy of the 2003 San Diego Red Dress DVD, I also received the 2003 and 2002 DVD's , great Hash weekend material!!!
On-On
Red Crap
Date: Sun, 16 May 2004 20:51:09 -0400
Subject: Rehash 5/9
Just Chris and I changed into our hashing attire and were fortunate enough to overhear ET and Hair Down There depicting the G-Rated version of hashing to a family that just happened to be a the head of our trail (HEAD!?!? Who said HEAD??? I'll take some of that....). ET started to give the parents an idea of the fun that we have, but he stopped just short of telling them that his name was not really ET. Come on hear, the kids have to learn about anatomy sometime anyway. Why not just let them in on the fact that you have an Extra Testicle? And we wonder why we have such problems with elementary education in the US.....
It was a perfect day for an Ithaca hash... actually it seemed a tad bit cold, the black flys weren't any fun, and there there didn't seem to be and BEER waiting for the anxious hashers that arrived before the start of the trail. Just Chris and I were getting a bit thirsty. Fortunately we were astute enough to find that one of the hares had left her car unlocked and found some BEER in the trunk. It was warm. It was a crappy. But hey, who cares; it was BEER.
While we were waiting, *69 showed up on a horse. At first I didn't know that she was actually one of the hares. But there was plenty of time to uncover all of those facts because the other hare (Bitch Squealer) didn't show up for quite a while. In the meantime a few more hashers and black flys showed up. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH..... Okay enough of my bitching.
We did the Chalk Talk and started off underneath some powerlines, checked it out in several directions and eventually made it to true trail. A lot of the first part of the trail was downhill with a fair number of T's, Y's, etc. It really was a pretty well done soggy trail and all... Then after a while we came up on a road where we went On-Left. This would have a perfect place for a circle check, but to my chagrin (since at least one of the hares had laid trail equestrian-style) there would be no such thing as a circle check on the entire trial. No big deal, somebody will drink for that....
After a short stretch on the road, the pack itself decided to hold up and regroup. After most of the laggards arrived, we headed back into the woods. A couple hundred yards in there was a BN. Yhatzee!!! BEER Near. So we started looking for the sweet nectar. Funny thing, I checked behind a tree and much to my amazement, I found Little Oral Annie practicing her art on Butt Floss. Not really. Sounded good though didn't it???
In other news... we found the BEER, sloshilized for a few minutes and headed off on trail again. Somewhere around there Ball Wrinkle actually showed up. Gee, I don't know if that is really an offense... Oh well, he'll get a down-down for it anyway.
The rest of the trail was good, but nothing really stood out about it in my mind. Oh yeah. The fun part was near the end of the trail... we did something like 1/3 of a mile on the road and found an ON-IN marking. Then we looked up... oh-yeah, there are the powerlines... all we have to do is follow them back to the cars... THROUGH THE THORNS. UGH. Whatever, I can deal with that. Then we proceed to trapse up hill through thorns and shiggy and such attempting to make it back to the cars. It was actually the better part of a mile. How do I know that??? There was techno-gizmo strapped to my wrist. Yes, a down-down was awarded for that too.
Anyway, we finally all made it back to the cars. Except for Hound Whore. He was an extra 15 min or so. Not to worry, hashers were dispatched to get more BEER an that would take a while. Yes, we actually pretty much ran out of BEER before the circle started. Don't worry, somebody did a down-down for that too.
In the meantime, we entertained ourselves by playing Russian Roulette and other classic hashing games. Oh yeah and the horse (Star Light) had a BEER or two while we were waiting for reinforcements. Why not? If I set trail you bet your ass I'd be sucking down a cold one (actually, it was a warm one).
Finally when reinforcements DID arrive we got things started. The down-downs (as well as I can remember) were handed out like this:
Hares - Bitch Squealer & *69
BLEAB - ET
BLAB - Ball Wrinkle
Bobbits - LOA (the passenger) and Floss, 1/2 Monte and Turkish companion
Comes Lately - Just Lynn & Scooby Snatch
Hash Crash - Hound Whore, Just Lynn, Hot Lips
Short Cutting Bastards - Just Lynn, Bitch Squealer, Red Crap
Long Cutting Bastards - Hound Whore
FRB - Just Corry
Beer Violations - LOA & Floss (for Just Max)
Birthdays (side-sides) - Hound Whore, Butt Floss, Ball Wrinkle
Forgotten Mugs - LOA, Floss, Ball Wrinkle, ..
'Equine Haring' - *69
'Swimming during the Hash' - ET
Big Balls Award - Bitch Squealer (she seemed really happy to receive it, watch for extra coats of 'laquer' when it returns to the hash)
Hashit Award - Hound Whore
Visitor - Just Chris
'Mis-management of BEER' - Hares
Spike must have drank for something (nobody gets away from an Ithaca hash without their comeuppance).
Somebody closed the circle....
Then there was an excellent ON-After at Bitch Squealors place with pizza, grilled dead animals, chip, whips, and salsa, and other tasty delectible morsels. Oh yeah, did I mention the BEER?
Date: Sat, 5 Jun 2004 23:16:36 -0400
Subject: Rehash for 5-23 Hash
You know, I really hate it when someone promises to write the rehash and then puts it off and puts it off and all those who couldn't make it and were hoping to live vicariously through the uber-literary beer-by-beer recounting are left bereft, empty, starved. It's just so damned inconsiderate. So, first, apologies. I'd had a few beers and it seemed like a good idea at the time that I signed up to write said rehash ... Well, at least I'm getting it out before the next hash! (if just barely)
You've seen the pictures, now here's a thousand-or-so words (if you haven't seen the pictures, ask Dances for the URL, it was so long ago, I've deleted it) ...
The Shoe-Sucking Mud Hole (Re)Hash
There was a hash on May 23, set by BW and someone else who couldn't have been Spike 'cause he never sets, and this is the rehash ...
Hash number: ??
Date: May 23
Location: Robinson Hollow
Hares: BW and ??
Present:
Pond Scum and Sphincter Sicle (sp?) from Syracuse
Tequila Bill and Staffy Puller
Li'l Miss (and Murphy)
ET
JSUAD and Becky (sorry, I can't remember your hash name; Lick Her Faster?)
Just Eric
Spike
Pussy Pong and Dances
Floss and LOA (and Mighty Max)
Swing Low
Road Kill
your scribe, Country Cock
[and 1/2 Monty and Hershey made an appearance on trail but didn't stay long]
My hashing experience started cruising along 96B, wind in my hair, tunes in my ears, paying half a mind to where I was going as I cruised right on past Robinson Hollow Rd. The first of many times off-trail that day. U-turn. Bouncing along Robinson Hollow Rd., I soon came to a three-way. Normally, I'm all for threesomes, I mean-ways, but since none of the ways was marked, it made finding true trail (no, we're not even at the start yet, folks) difficult. I checked the middle path--false up a driveway to someone's house. Then along comes Road Kill, fresh from having checked another of the paths, which went for miles without any sign of hashers. And the left path looked like a driveway as well. Thank the soon-to-be-blasphemed god(s) that our saviors LOA and Floss had half a clue which one was Lacy Rd., and we soon rambled on our way ... to the start. Which RK and Floss/LOA drove right by, U-turned, and drove on in to just in time to catch the tail end of the pack.
And off we went. Into the muddy woods where we were soon met by twisted pine debris and low-hanging branches--a.k.a. shiggy. Which we ran through, resulting in some blood-letting. And ran through some more, up and down, through muddy trails and more shiggy, until, at last, we ran down to a road and, as it crossed a stream, the first beer check. BW and the other hare hadn't expected such a large turnout so they didn't stock up the beer checks sufficiently, which forced the early arriving bastards to quickly grab a couple and start chugging. We stood around chatting a while. A few people played in the stream. Then 1/2 Monty came barrelling along, having picked up the scent of beer a few miles back (he stayed with us for a couple of beer checks and then was gone again--I think he had to run back to check the fishing lines he's been dangling out into Seneca Lake for the past few weeks in preparation for our weekend).
Then from the other direction came Road Kill (you remember Road Kill, he was with us at the start and then I think he must have set off on one of his famous "shortcuts") and Rowdy Bush. RK had apparently done battle with an angry mother bear, who he'd pissed off after trying to get (really) friendly with one of her cubs, 'cause he was bleeding profusely by the time he hit the BC. And seeing that there was a shortage of beer, though weakened as he was, he refused any for himself. The hashers were appropriately touched and so were polite when they asked him to, in that case, not stand so close lest they get bled on.
Rowdy was let into the inner circle and given a beer. And we were soon off. Down (or up) the road a ways then left (here some people opted to "short cut" and stay on the road, though a bunch of people apparently in the know seemed to think it was actually longer along the road; more about that later) and down, down, to a stream, then back up, up, and up some more, back to the road (yeah, the same road), along it a little, then up and up, then (you guessed it) down and down (stupid, stupid, never give up the low ground, or is it never give up the high ground--never give up any ground! Should have hung out by the nice lake at the start ...). Then along the road again (right, same ferkin' road). At some point, we crossed the road and jogged a short ways to the stream (yup, same ferkin' stream, too), narrowly avoiding some barbed wire betwixt the two. A few people cooled off in the stream (I think I missed a small waterfall somewhere in there, too, where some cooling off may have occurred). And soon we came upon beer check #2. Yay.
Now, about that barbed wire back there. Hashers who actually stayed on trail avoided it altogether, apparently, but since most people cut off a small chunk of trail (not to mention those who cut off anything that wasn't directly on the road), a bunch of us ran right into a low string of barbed wire. Well, not exactly ran into, because most of us saw that we were about to run into said barbed wire before actually doing so, except for one poor hapless hasher. But for the grace of, well, something mighty, fortunately, he had his lucky magic walking stick with him that day, so when Floss ran smack into said barbed wire, he was protected by this mighty walking stick, which broke in two, saving him from serious injury. But for some reason, he didn't give the stick the credit it was due, so he cursed it and his ill luck for leaving him with this broken useless completely unmighty walking stick, then he cursed some more. Several people reminded him later at the on in that that hapless piece of wood saved his sorry hide and he drank for that one, but more on that later. (Have you noticed the tattoo on his shin? A wizard with a walking stick or magic staff or something. Very interesting.)
So, beer check completed, we bid adieu to Rowdy, who was feeling peckish, and may have had a legitimate medical excuse concerning her ankle, and Spike, who was feeling chivalrous or just plain lazy, as they went up to the road to join the other SCBs. Then those few of us left set off again to find trail.
Well, the rest of us ran up, up, and up some more, around a bit through some gnarly pines (you remember them from the start, right), then down some through some more mud (yup, kind of like the start, only even more so, thus the name the Shoe-Sucking Mud Hole Hash), and then, ho, we were at the pond, having come at it from the other side.
Then we stood around for a while talking and drinking until the circle was called and we stood around talking and drinking some more and people shouted Hush Hush! Then we talked and drank some more. And calls for Hash Respect! were made. Until BW came over and stood between JSUAD and me and we started paying attention to what was going on in the circle. Where a bunch of comes lately's were forced to drink. BLABs drank (Rowdy's passengers, I can't recall who they were, drank for making her late). FRBs drank (?). Sphincter Sicle and Pond Scum drank for being visitors. Hash Crash went to BW (I missed the actual moment, but passed on the airplane flotation vest to him). There were so many short cutting bastards that I think the non-short cutting bastards had to drink. Floss drank for the aforementioned cursing of the walking stick that saved his sorry hide. There was a murky moment recorded between LOA and Road Kill. BW then had a circle murky moment with PP; very touching, though there was not as much touching as BW had hoped, perhaps. We tried to name Just Eric, but no one had anything approaching a decent suggestion. And there was a beautiful side-side for Li'l Miss who was silly enough to have a birthday recently.
All the while, storm clouds gathered over the hash proceedings. No, not metaphorically, really. The sky would grow dark in the near distance, thunder and lightning would, well, thunder and flash, a few drops would fall, then it'd clear up for the most part. Until a few minutes later when another dark cloud would go by. Some rain did fall at some point, but for the most part it held off.
And our record for not doing a particularly good job of remembering hash songs, though not as bad as it has sometimes been, was upheld, whereupon, after much frustration at our pathetic lack of ability, Swing Low volunteered to be our new RA. At some point in the proceedings, Li'l Miss had dedicated a lovely little ditty to Swing Low, which, come to think of it, would actually make Li'l Miss a decent candidate for RA, but he's leaving so fuck him. And SL does seem to have the hash rhythm in his bones, so we'll see. For example, he led us in a fine round of S&M Man (which followed a bit of blaspheming Jesus), which segued nicely into Chicago (I used to work in ...). There was another song or two, more drinking, then I left. Then all hell broke loose. I later heard there was naked mud wrestling and frolicking in the lake and something about sacrificing virgins to the thunder gods. I dunno. Just another Ithaca Hash.
Date: Tue, 08 Jun 2004 10:33:07 -0400
It was the third of November a day I'll always remember, except that it was actually the sixth of June and I couldn't find anything witty that rhymns with it.
So I find myself pulling into Hammond Hill parking lot, full of cars but no hashers. Damn it was 3:21 and they had already left, so I let my dog out who immediately left me to go find the hash, ah yes my faithful dog. So remembering what our Hare said about this being a bike hash, I pulled out a borrowed mountain bike and practiced riding in the parking lot. The last time I was on a bike was for a midnight bike hash, where while walking my bike I walked of a 15 foot embankment. Of course it was as dark as my last name!
So as I'm tooling around the lot I hear another vehicle approaching , and lo and behold it was our illustious Grand Master Ball Wrinkle and Tobe the Pucker. Unlike my hound he stayed near his owner, I of course inquired about where Parker was ( the other chocolate lab ) . I was informed that he was being punished for dog like behavior, so he didn't get to hash ( sucks to be Parker that day).
About that time we hear another car, and in comes Just Ted Trisca and his lovely girlfreind Just Taylor. Just Ted said they got lost, but we know better, all those Dirt roads and dead ends, a murky moment before trail! None the less we were just getting ready to search out the start of the trail when Hershey came trotting up the road showing us where True trail was. So I took off down the road in search of flour, and what did I see? Disgruntled Hashers complaining about a back check 17. Just Taylor wanted to no what that was and we told her that was good news for late cuming bastards like us.
One of the first things I noticed was that I was the only fool on a bike, of course Star 69 was on her Horse who name I believe was Smarty Jones because the hash took off like it was the Belmont Stakes. Of course I was trying to get the stupid bike over about 10 blowned down pine trees, so much for being bike freindly or horse freindly . Lit Mis had what must have been a satisfying Murky moment on trail with Star and her horse ( the first of two murky threesome on trail) as Star and her Horse disappeared until the circle was almost over. Although she didn't win the triple crown she got a rewaqrd much greater at the circle.
So after lugging my bike over trees and through a muddy trail Lit Mis waited and then called me a bike whimp for walking my bike, but I said oh yeah well show me how it's done, big man triathlete. So he took off on my bike which I did see again until the end of the trail. I showed him, so now that I didn't have to walk the bike I took off and caught up at the suppossed first beer stop! Except that there was no beer, it seems someone stoled the beer, really it didn't turn up. So even though we figured it for a hash prank it turns out that someone actually stoled it! Probably some 15 year old got drunk that day.
So the next thing I know were back on trail in search of unstoled beer!! I found myself running with Ball Wrinkle and Swing Low ( the two of us started singing More Beer, More Beer, MOre Beer, More Beer, More BEER, More Beer, well you get the idea ) and getting dusted by everyone else . Evidently they figured Smarty Jones was ahead of them and they were going to catch em. Hell Bitch Squeeler left on eating her dust, not that we complained or had our ego's bruised.
So after what seemed forever we came to a real beer stop where I finally got to see who was at the Hash. There was a number of new and unfamiliar faces and yes a lot of all to familiar faces! Of course some are probably saying hey I've been reading forever and that back running bastard hasn't mentioned my name yet, hell I would've read this much if I knew he wasn't going to mention me at least twice. ET , ET call home !
Anyways about the time we got to the beer stop Swing Low decided to do some stupid beer tricks which include regurgiating beer through his nose and back into his Milwuakees best light beer which he quickly passed off to Dances with Head who had just cum running in. Dances quickly took a huge swig and was upset he had to give it back as he said it was the best tasting Miluwakee light he had ever had. I know what you're thinking that's snot funny! Actually it was.
Anyways at the beer stop was our three some virgins, Rockstar Just Mike and the georgous Just Sarah. Also new comer Just Matt. Spike and Hot Lips, Extra Testicle , Just Ted and Taylor,Bitch but no Star 69, Ball W and of course me and Hershey and Toby who decided it was time to play keep away with a stick. It's a amazing how some hashers won't get out of the dogs way until they get hit in their privates with a two foot stick. Ater that we took off for the On-In and more beer! Oh yeah the trail was muddy but beautiful and the woods were great and very few bugs.
Finally we saw those beautiful words to live by On-In and beer near, some of us actually start salavating , while other just get a tear in there eye , or burning beer in your nose if your name is Swing Low. Who were going to rename Swing Snot Low!
Now for the good news nobody stole the On-In beer and there was actually enough where we didn't have to share. So we were busy drinking waiting for Just TED and Taylor and ET to finish up there murcky threesome on trail. It must have been great as ET later awarded his extra testicle to his buddy Ted ( which he had not given up since he got name some four years ago).
After a few Hash song to shock our Virgins we started making our Hare Lit Mis Drink, and than our virgins, and than Just Matt drank for being the bleb and Just Ted for being the blab. I then drank for philosophize on trail, "If a hashers falls in the woods and no one see's or hear's do they still do a down-down?" Ball Wrinkle than passed on his hash crash award to Swing Low for stumbling on trail and almost drowning in nasal beer. We had our illustrious phone bitch drink for still being at the Hash, yes a rare circle visit by Hot Lips ! About that time someone mentioned , hey where is the Big Balls award. Bitch Squeeler mumbled something about she wasn't finsihed with it yet . Right around than our Bobbit showed up and Star 69 found her way back to the Circle. Pussy Pong was at an all day class which we meaning the guys forgave her for when she flashed her bra at us. Bitch snuck over ! to her car and produced the Big Balls Award ( and if you've never seen the Big Balls Award, the name does even do it justice ) and presented it to Star 69 so that she could go visit it. Star 69 did show us her new Kojack look. After that I did a side side for my upcoming 30-22 birthday and ET did the Sunny Side Up for going through the Cornell Doctorial graduation last week! If you've never seen a Sunny Side Up Chug cum to our weekend and we'll give you a Sunny Side down Chug for being a cum lately.
After that we talked about naming a few new hashers Just Matt, Just Mike and Just Sarah. We tabled those names although we did cum up jwith some pretty intesting names. Just Matt was wearing his Joe Boxer underware. So I suggested we call him whoreboxer, Just Mike who some said looks like a rock star or was it chew baca or Big foot. Or perhaps something to do about his hard on nipples that Just Matt couldn't keep his eyes or fingers off of. Almost a murky moment in the circle!
Just Sarah mentioned that she works at a library at cornell that name sounded some like the Crotch. Which is probably because it host the largest collection of Porn in the world. ET remembered he needed another chapter or two on his thesis and inquired about when he could review the material at the Crotch! Boy the name possiblity are endless or was that crotchless I forget.
Well that is as much as I remeber off the circle , some of us did do an on after at Icabods , Just Matt and Just Mike and Spike and Ball W and myself.
So in conclusion GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND REGISTER FOR OUR WEEKEND , JUNE 18-20.
WE HAVE A GOURMET CHEF FOR SATURDAY NIGHT WHO IS COOKING CHICKEN AND SENECA LAKE TROUT THAT I CAUGHT, PLUS MUCH, MUCH MORE AND BEER AND MORE BEER, MORE BEER,MORE BEER,MORE BEER!!!
If I left anyone out or anything else out feel free to add on to this rehash. I started this yesterday and after and hour and a half of writing I lost the whole thing when I did a spell check.
1/2 Monty
Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 09:57:51 -0400
ReHash
2004 Ithaca Olympiad of Hashing
The Ithaca Hash House Harriers began their sixth annual weekend with the simplest but most important of opening ceremonies in mid afternoon of Friday, June 18th: tapping the kegs (courtesy of Hound Whore)! From then until about 7:30, hashers began arriving, setting up tents, and putting on their togas at the 4-H camp site, getting ready for the evening's toga pubcrawl. We had hashers in attendance from Flour City, Hogtown, Boston, Happy Valley, Cleveland, Albany, Nittany Valley, DC, and even Okinawa, in addition to good ol' Ithaca.
Friday's toga pubcrawl was one of the best in years, with the vast majority decked out in togas, r*nning through CU campus and collegetown, and drawing attention to themselves in a manner to make hashers anywhere proud. Half Monty did a great job with the trail, evidenced by the comments made by out-of-towners who liked CU's architecture and greenery, as well as views of Fall Creek and Cascadilla gorges as we ran to the Palms. After the Palms and Dunbars, pizza was had at the Bear Lodge, where Karaoke and pole dancing ensued, and a brief circle was held.
After the return bus trip back to camp, Beaver Bam Bam Balls and Big Stonz treated us to a Shooting Star trail (basically a walk around camp with shots at stops every 50 yards or so). Shots included Brain Damage (hemorrhage?), Turds in a Pool, Jello Shots, and the finale: Apple Pie shots. Yells for more apple pie shots continued well into the night, and a number of hashers had a rough night because of it.
Hashers awoke Saturday morning being treated to breakfast (by Hot Lips I think, but I was pretty out of it -- go figure). As Pussy Pong set up for the Olympic games, Shine On Harvard Moon (from Boston) and others got the rain to stop with a Hash blessing. So it was with a little help from the Hash Gods that the sun came out for the games, which included slip-n-slide ("Dances With Head") relays, and jello wrestling. Pussy Pong whipped everyone into line for the competition, but somehow everyone participating went home with medals!
Around 2, buses arrived to take us to Treman state park for trail, where Butt Floss, Little Oral Annie, Toothy Lunker and Lil Miss Muffit had laid a great trail. Chalk talk was graced with plenty of chalk-dropping, and soon hashers were out on trail, which split into tough and easy trails early on. Those on tough trail got to the beer rather quickly, and waited around for the easy-goers to join us, where we had a beer-near together. Afterwards, the two trails separated again soon, but not before a View Check and going down the trail from Upper to Lower sections of Treman park. Easy-goers went r*nning countless miles and miles, while tough hashers struggled along the creek-side trail at a rigorous walking pace. Each trail had another beer-near at this point, then made their way through campsites to the buses. Some hashers lost their dogs on trail, others disregarded hash marks and went their own way, and others hashed by proxy. But once all had made it to the buses, we got a ride to the super-secret final beer near --- the Ithaca Beer Co. There, we got tours and tastings at the brewery just prior to closing.
Shortly after arrival back at camp, the caterers had a fantastic meal grilled up and ready, supplemented by lake trout from Half Monty and wine from Red Crap. Immediately following dinner, we had circle, and I gave out down-downs for all manner of accusations, while Ball Wrinkle sat on the ice for a while. My apologies if I missed anyone there; also, I would've liked to have made those that were there drink even more; but it was a good circle nonetheless I was told. Circle ended just as the evening's entertainment -- a band by the name of Purple Valley -- was beginning. They played a good selection of classic rock 'n roll, while some hashers danced, and others kept warm near the fire. I think the band (and the 14 year old drummer especially) really liked RaidR's beer pong table, brief glimpses of naked hashers, and a "puppet show" courtesy of Pussy Pong.
After many cries of "Naked run in five minutes", naked hashers were finally seen in pursuit of Little Oral Annie and Releash Me, doing shots, and just being hashers. Hash Rests included the campfire and the hot tub, as all were a bit chilly in their birthday suits. The party kept going however, but I was a little intoxicated at this point . . .
Sunday morning we were treated to another fine breakfast. Puff-n-Stuff (from Boston) treated us to a fine Bloody Mary, and I lead a long live trail around the nature trail and through the pole barn, with two beer nears, before returning to the kegs.
In closing -- it was a damn fine weekend with all the ingredients that make Ithaca unique. We had super-scenic trails, laid-back shit-faced drunken fun, a mix of sunny and rainy camping weather and good beer. What more can a hasher ask for?! Credit goes to Ball Wrinkle, who put this whole thing together, albeit with help from mismanagement. :o) Thanks for a great weekend!!!
. . . and the hash went in peace, and got a piece, and drank their swill. Barmen
-Dances With Head, Religious Advisor
-------------------
The Testimonials
* You guys put together a really awesome weekend, and I just wanted to say thanks again. Please pass my appreciation along to everyone out there. I still had Jello in my ears this morning :) -- Puff'n Stuff
* This was one of the best hash weekends I've been on. Scenic trails, a great campsite, fun activities, and Saturday dinner the best food I have eaten anywhere in recent memory. One doesn't normally associate fine dining with hashing, but that meal was in a league of it's own. -- Friar F**K and Shitty Trail, Boston H3
It was Sunday, the birthday of our nation in the year of two thousand four. Our group was out in full force to celebrate in our own special way. I forgot where the trail head was but it was someplace south of Speedsville, NY. I am sure I will be punished for forgetting the location but I'll take my licks later. On that day ET was out along with 1/2 Monty, Bitch Squealer, Star 69, just Christina, just Ethan, Butt Floss, LOA, Spike, Sideshow Jesus, Scooby Snatch, Staffy Puller, Tequila Bill, Pussy Pong, Dances With Head, Hairy Condom Junior, and some guy from Canada. The day was sunny and lovely and the group was almost ready to go! We diligently applied bug spray and sunscreen as we sipped cheap beer. We only had to pause for a moment to throw up after watching Max eat a few mouth fulls of fly and maggot riddled horse excrement. Once that terrible moment was out of the way we headed out. Checking, false, up and down, on-on, mud, shiggy, and so fourth--it was a Hash. Aside from the dog eating the horse stuff there were two notables from that day. First, just Ethan and Sideshow Jesus somehow lost there way. This is not surprising for just Ethan, since he comes from Boston and knows nothing about these woods or about Hashing. Now what explanation can be given for the "all knowing" getting lost? We concluded it was a calculated murky moment, an opportunity for Sideshow to get to know Ethan better maybe? Second, after the on-in we all headed off to PP's house for a BBQ. The food was great, so was the company. What a great day!
Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2004 14:58:02 -0700 (PDT)
---a Hasher is someone who removes his(or her) wet
socks and shoes to put on dry Tevas (or Birkenstocks
for you Ithacan's!)
Wet....Damn wet! Though the morning appeared to be
fine weather for hashing the terrain proved to be
completely saturated for the run set by Hound Whore
and Suck My Nipple. We got lost trying to find the
start despite following Butt Floss (oh, yeah right!)
but we did put flour to disuade followers from making
the same mistake we had made. As we were pulling out,
another hasher who looked surprisingly like... "That's
Sideshow Jesus" announced Butt Floss, interrupting,
though reinforcing my own thoughts. Soon we arrived
at the start, where the hares and several other
hashers, including Spike, Red Crap, Hot Lips, Pussy
Pong, Dances, LOA, Floss, and someone who looked like
a clean-shaven, though bushy-haired version of
Half-Monty were assembled (oh, don't let me forget the
several species of dogs). The hash began up a
hill/waterfall that vaguely resembled a washed-out,
limited-access roadway and I resourcefully took
advantage of one of the dog's overexhuberance to pull
me up the hill, leaving nearly all other hashers far
behind. I soon realized the folley of my ways,
however when I found that, given the washed-out,
over-grown state of the trail, my braking system was
non-functional (does anyone else notice the
overly-gratuitous use of hyphens in my prose??)
The first beer check was a good opportunity to dry our
spirits while allowing the spirits to whet our
whistles! Monty then awarded hot-lips with a stone
foot award for reasons unknown. The respite allowed
Ball Wrinkle, along with his hounds in tow to catch up
to the pack! Since the dogs were not partaking in the
embibement, they sought out other mischeif (everyone
needs a vice!) It seems that Max & Parker's were to
find and roll in dead carcasses (typicall manly
stuff!) while our newest dog, [just] Honey, preferred
a mud facial, and/or decided she preferred becoming a
brunette rather than a strawberry blonde!
On-On led us through still more shiggy, then down a
long hill wherein a passing hiker sought out LOA over
the passing men to inquire as to our mission (I wonder
why?!?). Sounding interested, he obtained our hash
contact information and continued on his own trek.
Trail then led us over a mechanical marvel of a bridge
built to withstand the next thousand years, judging by
the hefty hardware, or until the 4x4 posts rotted away
(Not surprising coming from the Cornell Civil
[over]Engineering Club!) Just over the bridge, I
found myself complaining about some jerk tossing a
garbage bag out off the trail, until I found it to
contain Beer stop #2.
A back-check led us around some beautiful terrain
through a Beaver-Check (Thanks Pussy Pong!) and back
to the cars where the crowd quickly got scent of
Parker's conquest; the awful dead-animal smell he had
pilfered from a deer carcass or some such thing.
Down-downs began with a toast honoring micro-brew,
courtesy of Raidr of Nittany Valley (PS: if you can go
to any weekend, this is the one to go to!!! See
www.nvhhh.org - Aug 27-29th and it is much closer than
usual, only about 2-2.5 hours away!!) --end gratuitous
plug--
The down-downs also included the usual crimes/rewards
as well as visitors and a naming of our dog, [just]
Honey: Pig-Pen
It was a great hash and great to see everyone!!
On-On,
Calvin
Date: Mon, 02 Aug 2004 12:44:21 -0400
The Splash Hash...courtesy of Hot Lips, Hare:
Hashing Humans: Hotlips, Dances with Head, Tequila Bill, Staffypuller, Lil' Missed Muffet, Little Oral Annie, ButtFloss, Ballwrinkle, Spike, Sideshow Jesus, Just Matt (named today! see below) Roadkill, WT, Captain Slimy, and Half Monty.
Hashing Hounds: Hershey, Max and Parker.
Hasing other: Creepy-ass wooden guy with a name I don't remember that Dances brought
The trail wound its way through the gorges, streams, woods and roads of the upper Taughannock gorge area. Allison, beautiful co-host wife of Hotlips gave us all a ride to our starting point. The trail first went through a tunnel under the road and was the site of Hash Crash #1 which went to Dances, who quickly warned us all to duck. The gash on his head stopped bleeding by the on-in, and all that was left was some small swelling, which wasn't too bad a thing...with his sweetie out of the country at least one head on the boy got to swell.
It was a beautiful, warm sunny day which made the trail extra fun. Hotlips guided us through lots of splashy streams and back and forth across the gorge, with several hash rests. At the beer stop, Jesus got to give away his beer-stop award specially designed by Monty. The award, a foot-shaped rock, now will be carried by Spike for awhile.
With all the muddy hills to climb and algae there were other crashes, one referred to as "the avalanche" by Just Matt and Sideshow Jesus. With plenty of knowing grins between them on that one it may have qualified as a murky moment but no one wanted the details. There was enough of that as it was...some of us got to see Jesus' butt at one of the rests...now, how many people can say that on any given Sunday?
Trail ended back at Hotlips' home, and the on-in was held by their swimming pond with a BBQ picnic to follow! At the on-in, Just Matt was named thanks to a squishy, prickly, sweaty, bouncy ball on a string that he found on trail. Some of the name candidates were Teabagger, Ballslinger, Erectile Reptile and several others, but he was finally christened...Nut Roper!
Among the circle accusations were...not shaving on hash day, Bleabs, Blabs, comptetive running event shirt, coupla people forgot their mugs, and Little Miss' final regular Ithaca Hash, as he is moving to Colorado. LOA and Floss promised to check in on him at Colorado hashes to make sure he hadn't reverted to a former hash name, (Muffin muncher or some damn thing) and we all wished that he go in peace and get a piece. Little Miss responded with a down-down for all his friends that got him started on the hash here, and it would have been about as touching as a "Very Special Edition of Seventh Heaven" except the dogs decided to break up our attention by jumping the pen and chasing after the family lamb and young goat! The kids were all right though (get it???) and Roadkill personally...uh...comforted them once the dogs were gone.
Many thanks to Hotlips, Allison and family for graciously sharing their home and the picnic.
Next hash being set by: Dances, I didn't hear this part...do you usually put this in the rehash???
One after that will be: Set by LOA and Toothy, in honor of their birthdays
On-on, good people! -Staffypuller
Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2004 11:18:42 -0400
REHASH:
Date: Sunday August 15
Place: Half Monty's somewhere on Seneca Lake past Watkins Glen
Attendees:
Half Monty (hare)
Dances With Head
Extra Testicle
Just Mark (Tucker)
Nut Roper
Just Molly (virgin)
Beaver Bam Bam Balls
Bitch Squealer
*69
Ball Wrinkle
So it all started like a typical hash, people arriving, drinking beer, snacking, ET lounging in the water sans clothes (at least there was a towel!); then the hash was called to the circle by Half Monty. After checking-it-out the hash went on-up through the woods, which made for some rough-going 'til we hit the RR tracks. Next we hit the 'ICNâ on trail (ice cream near) and we got treated to some really good soft-serve, and then it was on to better things, in which case I mean the wineries of course!! Which is a change of pace from the usual high-quality (*ahem*) beer that is on trail. So, there was wine tasting going on as well as some singing--2 hash songs--fortunately for the winery there were no other customers in at that time. Next goal: another winery, but on the way the hasher encountered a 'HBBâ on trail, in which case we all stopped and sang a very polite Happy B-day song to a little 5 yr. old named Brianne, who Iâm sure will recall it with much angst during her hypnotherapy sessions in later years. Finally the goal was achieved: with some short cutting and competitive running on trail (which later received a down-down) the hashers hit Glenora Winery; here wine tasting was done, but no singing!! Finally, most of the hashers got a lift from Half Monty; however, in true hash spirit, Ball Wrinkle, ET, Bitch Squealer, and *69 ran to the on-in (or was this really because there was no more room in the car??).
At circle, Half Monty drank for being the hare and also having a dog present; Just Molly drank for being the virgin. Other down-downs were awarded for competitive running on trail, comes lately-s, to a no-crash hash by Nut Roper, and some other accusations. ET was re-awarded the big balls award after it was taken from its 'caretakerâ Bitch-Squealer. This of course had nothing to do with the fact that Bitch Squealer pants-ed ET in front of the circle--although ET did decide to give a passing motor boat the same view the hashers had. There was an attempt to give Just Mark a name, but nothing was finalized. All of this was followed by an excellent on-after w/ food, beer, champagne, and of course s'mores!
On-On to the next one
Date: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 13:57:51 -0700 (PDT)
It was a hot, humid morning as I dashed away from Stewart Park and the "Puddly Event" to take Little Oral Annie up to Toothy Lunker's kitchenless abode. It was Sunday. Normally a day of rest. But this was no ordinary Sunday. It was a hashing Sunday for Ithaca!! Is everybody happy?......You bet your arse we are!....... And, this was also a special hash! It was to be the second Anal Blond Bimbo hash set by our two hottie hares who were also celebrating their birthdays!!
I mused to myself about the smokin' trail they would be setting for us this day up in the forest behind Greek Peak as I meandered back down to Stewart Park to eat with my family prior to heading back up to T-burg to pick up Just-Max.
Heading back down through Ithaca....again...and not having LOA riding along to deter me.....I stopped at Purity Ice Cream and picked up a cute little girl with a tight, red, shirt.....Just-Kelly, and her pooch Just-Noah. Being a bit wary of my drooling tongue and roaming gaze, she decided to follow me in her own car instead of riding along beside me. RATS! LOA must have sprayed some sort of scent all over my car to chase off would-be usurpers to her seat! So, off we caravanned in two cars to the start of the Hash up in the Virgil Mountains........
Well, without the opportunity to molest the sweet young virgin.....we arrived at the hash start to see many additional virgins along with regulars and cums-latelies. Of course, at this late date, I have no clue of who was who. But, thanks to DWH's picture page....OK, so I cheated...and lied.....make me President!.....I can tell you that the following were there....in no specific order.... Harry Condom Jr., ET, 1/2 Monty and Hershey, Cry Baby Swing Low (more on this later), Side Show Jesus, Nut Roper, Dances With Head, Spike...(is this wanker EVER going to set trail?), Tequila Bill, Staffy Puller, Bitch Squealer, Star 69, Hot Lips, Just-Kelly, and at least three other virgins. And, of cour! se, our hares, Little Oral Annie, Toothy Lunker, and Roxy.
The trail, well, what can I say.....it was SHITTY!! I mean, come on....two blond bimbos and a dog? Like most parks in the area, Toothy knows the Virgil area like that back of her hand. They had us running all over the place and through streams and muck.....AWESOME! Even got to cross an extremely over-engineered bridge with stainless steel fasteners out in the middle of no where. Wonder how those engineering geeks got all that wood out there?
At one point, Swing Low got a bit too fresh trying to check out my Floss through my shorts and ended up with a sharp stick in the eye! I started laughing because, "No one laughs until some one loses an eye". Swing Low, the big baby, started crying about it. (See evidence when DWH posts extra pictures of the event)
Finally, we some how managed to make it back to the start and Circle began. First, Hot Lips drank lest he sneak away before we could "award" him for numerous premature-echeckulations. Then our hottie hares drank for their ability to go out into the woods....and actually make it back to the car. Of course, Swing Low drank for being a bleeding cry baby. Virgins drank. Dog owners drank. Others drank...the usual stuff ya know..... Then, Tequila Bill received a side-side for his birthday infraction. Followed by BOTH hares getting up-ups for their birthdays! LOA turned "Dirty Thirty" and Toothy turned 35 just prior to the hash. Was that it? Hell no! I'm sure I forgot some other very impotent down-downs....such as the one that LOA and I got for finally getting engaged! :o) What was I ever thinking? More impotently....WHAT THE HELL WAS LOA THINKING WHEN SHE SAID "YES"?
Well, needless to say, much beer was drank that afternoon. And, as the sun quickly began to set......we closed the circle and headed on out after Staffy Puller and Tequila Bill volunteered to set the next trail.
The End....for now....for I fell asleep immediately upon arriving home....only to awaken to.......
On-Out,
Floss
Date: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 13:57:51 -0700 (PDT)
ANOTHER ITHACA HASH SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....
It's now Sunday, 9/12/04 and Tequila Bill and Staffy Puller are supposed to be setting trail in Shindaigan Hollow today. Alas, the email di-erections indicate that TB sprained his ankle while performing Olympic pummel horse routines on the bed while Staffy Puller lay beneath checking out his form. Apparently his "positioning" was off...... So, it will be Staffy Puller and Rowdy Bush (who's she? We haven't seen her cuteness at a hash in some time!) setting trail while TB makes sure the beer stays cold.
As we arrived at the start location....way, way past the normal Shindaigan Hollow start points....we did not see our hares. A normal thing for the Ithaca Hash because hares frequently don't finish setting trail until it's time to actually run it. So, what to do? Well, pull out a beer from the trunk of the car and start "loosening up"...of course! So we did. In assemblance were a smaller group than the last trail....no virgins...darn it! But, we eventually had ET, Harry Condom Jr, Pussy! Pong, Dances With Head, Toothy, Little Oral Annie, Just-Max, Just-Tala and yours truly, Butt Floss. Shortly, our hares, Staffy Puller, Rowdy Bush, and Tequila Bill showed up. We thought that they had just completed the trail. But, we quickly found out that trail had been finished so much earlier that they actually had time to go to the Crooked Board for some lunch! Man, what were we thinking? They should have drank for that!!
Eventually, after a superb chalk-talk, we were off.....on across the stream (via a bridge that Just-Max didn't care much for) and on up a hill. I could hear Toothy, HCJ, PP, and LOA yelling ON-ON further up but, they didn't seem to be getting further away. Why? OH! That's why! Lousy damned Back Check! And, it was only the first of many for the day. It appears that our hares like back checks. And, they couldn't count either! Oh well, on back down the trail..... Max did much better going across the bridge this time. Now where? Ah, looks like the trail goes right down the road...and then......WAY up the hill on the other side! DWH and I stayed a bit away from the rest for fear of another BC. Also, he confided that he actually new where the one and only Beer Near was and that we were short cutting. So, what did I do? Follow him and go for the beer? Well, any sane hasher certainly would have. But no, I had to cut through some major shaggy and catch up to the pack. What a Dumb Ass! Well, we made it to the top of the hill....after a number of additional false trails. Damn, these hares are ruthless! Next check.....a "wonderful" view of what today's youth thinks of our State Forests.....beer cans and bottles strewn all over the place!!!! A perfectly good camping place totally trashed by @#$%$^#$%#%#$% kids!!!! I, for one, would be willing to go back out there with a group to clean up the mess left by others. Hashers already cause enough problems for ourselves with Anthrax, I mean flour, we don't need to get hassled by Park Rangers for drinking beer in the woods and being blamed for others' messes. OK, enough soapboxing.....on with the trail. And, where did it go from here?
Right on down the road to the "normal" hash start location where we found Tequila Bill, Dances With Head (naturally) and BEER!!!! Woo Hoo! Man was I thirsty! After quaffing our thirst...and getting tired of swatting bugs...we headed out...or should I say DOWN? Yup, the trail led us down to the stream and back up the hill on the other side. But not after first going along the stream for quite a ways. Given that I still had a beer in tow, I was pretty much at the back of the pack dreaming of a Murky Moment with with ei! ther ET or our sweeping hare, Rowdy Bush. The latter being preferred. When, all of a sudden....whoosh!....Hershey goes whizzing by me! Where the hell did he come from? Well, as it turns out, 1/2 Monty and Hershey showed up shortly after we left the Hash Rest and ended up finishing the trail with us. Once we made it to the top of this hill, we found a "T and E" split. Well, never to let a hare's good efforts go to waste, ET and I headed on down the steep grade and into the stream which was they "Easy" trail. Toothy was right behind us. Hmmm....another chance at a Murky Moment? Nope. Just some fun in the water....
Once we made it out of the stream and back on the trail that the "Tough" folks followed, we found ourselves at the On-In....a newly constructed lean-to. Apparently the old one had been crushed by a falling tree. There were lots of good munchies and BEER! DWH ran the circle and lots of folks drank. Our hares drank frequently this day for all of their wicked ways on trail. Dog owners drank. TB drank for being the only one there WITH his mug. The rest of us professed prof! usely that OUR mugs were back at the car. Yeah, right! Ha! Others drank for what I don't recall.....help me out here folks.....and circle was eventually closed. But wait....not before Harry Condom Jr got to do an Up-Up for being the latest Ithaca Hasher to join the Dirty Thirty club!!!! Rowdy Bush....I believe that you are next....wink....wink.
As the light began to fade, we picked up ALL of our containers and messes.....not like those rotten little bastards at the other camp sight....and headed back towards the cars. HEAD!?....who said HEAD?........
On-Out,
Floss
-------------------------
Date: Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:44:48 -0400
Thanks for the great rehash Floss.
I just had a little to add about last Sunday's hash. I wanted to stress how most excellant Staffy Puller's virgin trail was. It was a very fun trail even though the hares really could not count. Thanks for the shitty trail Rowdy Bush and Staffy.
Also Butt Floss did forget to mention another important down-down. All those with meat had to drink as this was one of the few, if not the only other hash,(in our limited hasher memory) with more dames than dudes in attendance. Harry needed a little explaniation on that one and drank for that too, I think.
Toothy
Date: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 18:15:16 -0400
Subject: Re-hash for IH3 Hash #439
It was probably one of the last gorgeous days we are going to see in Ithaca for another 9 months or so. Quite a few of us, decided that it was a perfect day for hashing, especially through the Cornell campus, and in particular when the trail was set by 2 virgin hares, Sideshow Jesus, and Nut Roper.
We met at the Vet school parking lot, anticipating a very shitty trail. Floss was there, without with LOA (I hope the rest of you hashers that didn't cum to the hash, went over to TBurg and had lots of fun with LOA who was home alone). Ball wrinkle, Dances, 1/2 Monty, Bitch Squealer, *69, Hound Whore, Spike, Hungman, Just Lynn, Just Russ, and 3 virgins (Just Jenny, Just Chrissy, and Just Woody). And of course, this jolly pussy writting the rehash. I'm not sure about the last guy's name, but Jesus and Nut Roper kept calling him woody (I didn't really want to ask if there is a story behing that name......). Of course, I should not forget the dogs, Max, Hershey, Parker, and Jacob the horny dog.
We head-ed out (HEAD, WHO SAID HEAD?)... going through some fields behind the greenhouses, making our way through the plantations. We found a WTF hash mark on trail. Now, this was a first time this mark was used. I think it meant What the f***. If you guys have any ideas, check out the second picture of the hash from Dances' website. to me it looks like a 69, (hm.... maybe *69 were you by any change the inspiration for this piece of art?)
anyways, we made it up and down the hills, over bridges, cross roads, through streams, and finally BEEEERRRR. Alas, the hares, didn't have all that much at the rest! ohhhh, what a tragedy? a few had to settle for dry lips, and others for water.
off we went, a few with dry shoes still, making our way towards Beebee lake. You know, there are snapping turtles in the lake, so all of you sausage owners out there better watch out next time you go swimming!.......(an old lady gave a few male hashers this advice). Apparently around the lake, some, decided to go and have a fifth-some. BW, disappeared, with 1/2 Monty, BS, and *69, and if that was not enough, they also took with them Hershey and Parker. Now, what 4 hashers were doing with 2 chocolate labs, I don't know, but my mind is left to wonder..............
While near Beebee, we realized that apparently wearing Speedos is back in fashion, so all of you guys get them out of your closets (we know you used to wear one some time ago), put them on, and show us your packages!.......
Another beer stop was near. Of course the hares had to make it hard for us, so they put it in the small island that's in the middle of the lake. Oh well, for the sake of getting the good JUICE, i'll get my feet wet. However, someone still managed to keep his feet dry!.....
And again, off we went up hill, making our way through west campus, ending somewhere (not over the rainbow), but in fall creek again below the suspension bridge above Stewart Ave. More beer was there for everyone, and after we drunk some more, we continued on trail. Cross the bridge, around houses, through a "sewage pipe" (or something like that), and finally ending at the back yard of our hares' frat house.
Nut Roper and Spike were playing with sausages (the ones you put in your mouth, and taste really good, and you can actually bite them without causing anyone pain.....), and burgers, while the rest of us were getting ready for the circle. The squirrels had managed to dig into the buns, so there weren't many buns to wrap the meat!......
At the circle, pretty much everyone drunk. Of course the hares for a shitty trail, Spike for being BLEAB, Hungman for BLAB, I think Just Woody for FRBing, and Just Chrissy for DFL.
Dog owners drunk, virgins drunk, Just Lynn drunk for making 2 virgin girls come at once (wow, she is skilled!......), comes latelys drunk, a few of us drunk for hash crashes, and so on and so on.
Hungman drunk for dry shoes, and BW, 1/2 Monty, BS, *69 drunk for an extensive murky moment involving bestiality.
We gave just Lynn a side side for her bday which was 2 weeks ago, and we also got to name her... Ahhhhhhhhhh what a joyous time. After a very long debate, Just Lynn -( the owner of Jacob the horny dog who by the way masturbated several times, while giving himself a blowjob in front of us) - was named "Rub my Klondike Bare". For explanations, either ask her, or Floss, or Ball Wrinkle.
Then, since it seemed we were enjoying tossing beer on people, we decided to go ahead and do another naming. Just Russ, gave us several opportunities on trail for a name. three times he had to publicly pi, and decided to pull out his weenie and relieve himself. Hence, we found it appropriate to name him: "Three Times A Weenie".
I think by this point, we run out of beer, and we decided to close the circle and head home. Floss, was hoping to catch LOA in action with some of her other male friends so he could video tape it. BS was determined to start playing Rugby again. Rub my Klondike Bare had a very horny dog, and she needed to at least get him away from the other dogs. Monty was determined to find his speedo so he can wear it at the next hash. And I just hope the virgins come hash with us again, after a wild and fun, trail and circle we had.
For everyone who wasn't at this hash, you should cum to the next one. For everyone who was at this hash, we had a blast, and you should still cum to the next one. Heck, let's just ALL cum in 2 weeks.......
:-P
On-Out
Pussy Pong
Date: Sat, 16 Oct 2004 18:35:49 -0400 (EDT)
Rehash #440
So as I remember...
It was a sort of shitty day...very appropriate to Ithaca, sort of drizzly
and no sun in sight. After trying to convince *69 and Just Benedict that
they should go hashing too, and getting some lame excuses, I decided to
drive on down to Buttermilk falls and see if any of the other virgins that
I had tried to convince to hash were able to make it. So at the start I
met up with Hot Lips, Pussy Pong, Dances with Head, and Spike. Very small
Hash. Then a few minutes later a huge van pulled in..so I wondered which
soccer moms were joining the hash....this should be interesting. Instead
Three Times A Weenie jumps out of the driver seat with my virgin (Just
Christina) and her roommate Just Mada (sp?) in tow. They were wondering
where all the people were..Where the f*ck were all the regulars anyway????
Then Ball Wrinkle shows up with his two beasts that continued to jump all
the cute virgins...(Wouldn't life be simple if you were a dog?). Finally
Harry Condom Junior and Extra Testicle show up in their
automobile...however they were just there for a few seconds because Harry
Condom Junior insisted that she could not hash in her high heels and
leather jumpsuit. (Personally, I could not understand why not...I suppose
her and Extra Testicle has some business to attend to!) Although they
said they would be back and bobbit the trail....Alas, they never
showed...Murky moments for them later.
So anyway, finally after much standing around and trying to explain to the
virgins who had just gotten out of bed what exactly they had gotten into,
the Hare was off. We gave him some time and then started out on trail.
As I remember, it was a very confusing beginning....over bridges...through
streams...but finally Hot Lips was able to find trail with his expert
navigational skills and at the sound of the bugle we were off...up a hill
and through a creek to our first Beer Near where our Hare was waiting for
us. Both Just Cristina and Just Mada were very eager to down some cold
ones at the first stop. I guess they decided that they needed to,
figuring out it was going to be a loooong day, considering we were only a
third of the way into the trail and much whining was taking place. Then
things started to get boring, so Three Times A Weenie decided that he
needed some action. He managed to seduce Parker to molest him, while we
waited for our Hare to start on out.
Finally, we got going again...back to where we had jumped into the creek
bed and up a huge hill (the hare would suffer much for this later). We
exited the woods and ended up on the road for a while. At the end of the
road, Hot Lips seemed to disappear never to be seen again. But the rest
of the gang ended up back on trail and down to a pond where we had our
second beer stop. There were many complaints of how cold everyone was
getting, so it was a short stop and we let the hare go and then continued
to catch him on trail. At this point, as is tradition, the Hare had to
remove a piece of his clothing. Of course, Just Christina insisted that
he remove his pants, and I was praying that we did not catch up with him
again, because who knows what she would say to remove next. Quite eager
for a virgin!!!! So then we went on and on back down the trail to where
we had come from. At some point the rest of the group shortcutted across
a road back on to the trail....Other than that not too much exciting to
report. We finished the trail...which was unusually longer than most just
before dark.
Then we had our circle. The virgins drank for being virgins, Dances drank
for his shitty trail, Spike must have drank for something...although he
never does anything so I can't really remember, BW drank for having dogs,
I drank for FRBing, Pussy drank for being the first one there, and Weenie
drank for wearing his shirt with the M word on it....and then he was
whining about how he always wants to wear this shirt and something about
bringing a bottle of wine to the Hash. Had Hot Lips been there maybe he
would have drank to????? Finally BW gave this weird Japanese Hash shit
award to Three Times a Weenie and they drank out of it together....quite
intimately.
Then everyone wanted to leave and the virgins were getting restless so we
went and had an on-after at some Chinese Buffet place...where Spike told
us three people had gotten ill from eating their food...but we decided to
be risk takers. So then everyone was happy and warm again, eating way too
much, and reading our fortune cookies followed by up the ass.
All in all a shitty time. Hopefully more hashers will turn out the next
time and our virgins will return!
On-on to the next hash,
BS
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 2004 14:30:13 -0400
Ithaca 441st Hash (by my count, don't know if that's right), 10/24/2004
---------------------------
Accused: Little Oral Annie, Up Her Alley, Phil MeCrackin, Tequilla Bill, Spike, Butt Floss, Bitch Squealer, Rub My Klondike Bare, Hound Whore, Extra Testicle, Three Times A Weenie, Pussy Pong, Dances With Head, Toothy Lunker, Half Monty, Ball Wrinkle, and dogs (Parker, Hershey, Max, and Roxy).
On a damp and chilly (45°F) Sunday in late October, Pussy Pong and I (DWH) drove down Bald Hill Rd in Danby to Michigan Hollow for the hash, to find a Hound Whore, Up Her Alley (transplant from Philly), and Three Times A Weenie waiting around near the intersection with Station Rd, and soon to join us were Floss, LOA, and ET. Spike and BS soon arrived also, and it was starting to look like a hash.
After the usual chit-chat, hash cash, and whatever else, Hound Whore and Spike gave a brief chalk talk, and we were off. Just in time to follow us off were Klondike and Toothy. We quickly found that the trail involved a whole lot o' shiggy and some bits of the Abbott Loop trail (or that's what I think it was anyway!). After a few checks, it quickly became clear that our hares were deceitful, and true trail was difficult to find at times, and that through the mud and fallen leaves of autumn the ups and downs of trail in Ithaca would drive us nuts! But we did indeed find BEER NEAR in reasonable time, in a old and unkept cemetery -- very Halloweenish if I do say. Joining us at that point was Half Monty and his trusty sidekick Hershey.
After some red dogs (beers, not pets), we took off again in search of trouble. Eventually we came down a steep hill, and crossed Bald Hill Rd, followed by -- you guessed it -- an uphill. Interestingly, at the base of this hill, Three Times A Weenie dropped his weenie! Ok, so it was only a penis pacifier that was part of the hashit he was carrying, but we still made him drink for that later.
During the rest of the trail, it seemed there were many murkey moments along trail, most notably between myself and Up Her Alley, and between BS and Monty. Pussy Pong also had a tremendous hash crash, which left her on her back and panting for a couple of minutes I'm told. Also funny, was a check that we came to where Spike imitated being a hare (he drank for this later), and insisted that we keep checking towards the left. So, we checked left and found a false. Then we checked really left and found a second false. Then we check just sorta left, and found a third false. Then we gave up and checked straight and found true trail, which was dubbed not left. ...definitely disturbing.
After quite a while though and loads of shiggy, we found the famous ON-IN mark and ran down the hill to the cars, only to find multiple bobbits standing around, such as Ball Wrinkle, Phil MeCrackin, and Tequilla Bill. BW would have caught up on trail he claimed, but apparently the marks were too confusing and he gave up. Likely story.
Hound Whore drank for haring, Spike drank for imitating a hare. Monty, BW, LOA and Toothy drank for dog owners, Floss for FRBing, LOA for excessive politeness, Up Her Alley for being a newcummer, and some others for private party. Tequilla Bill, BW and Phil drank for bobbiting, cums-latelys drank, Pussy Pong drank for crashing, murky moments drank, BLEABs and BLABs drank, and Three Times A Weenie drank for losing his weenie. Then Three Times gave his weenie, and the rest of the hashit, to Bitch Squealer, and ET gave his Big Balls to Tequilla Bill, because he "liked" Bill so much. Then we adjourned for the day, and some continued the fun with pizza and beer at the Fall Creek House.
Thanks for a great hash Hound Whore! Can't believe you did it all alone... maybe next time you should get that imitation hare Spike to help out for once, as we all know he "never" sets trail. Thanks guys!
Next hash will be courtesy of Harry Condom Jr, and last I heard she's still looking for a co-hare. Someone want to volunteer?!
On-On,
-Dances With Head
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2004 17:01:19 -0800 (PST)
RE-Hash 442 November 7 2004
Hares: Harry Condom Jr. and Hung Man
Present an acunted for: DWH, P.P. E.T., Bitch Squealer, Ball Wrinkle, Hound Whore, 1/2 Monty, and a warm welcome to new finger lakes transplants Pippi Shlongstocking and Cocksmith. If I forgot any one that's probably because I waited ten days to write this thing.
WE met up in the P&C parking lot- a nice mild day for November -- many of us actually hashed in shorts. On-off over Pine Tree Rd we went winding down back toward campus on that trail which I don't know the name. And then back onto city streets we went down around to a park that I don't know the name of. Those of us who didn't shortcut this part of the trail off got to see many parents quickly grab their children as we followed the trail across the jungle gym. Back onto the city streets we went on-on down across Six-Mile creek.
On down to the creek side we went -- what low - beer! And beer we had near the scene of the nearly fatal ice-climbing trail that Hung Man and Dances set some time ago. And off we went back across six-mile onto through campus, college-town the cemetery and over to Gun Hill. What we're going back down hill -- this better be an ! A to B trail many hashers were heard muttering. On down toward the Creeker many hashers went think that must be point B. What's this a bloody back check? Back up the hill to Gun Hill apartments. Where the F*** does this trail go -- across the parking lot and dead end on a fence. No more marks in sight many brave hashers hopped the fence, sacred some away stoners partaking while the rest of us went back down the road. Point B at last the parking lot across the street form the creeker. Two hashers' vehicles awaited there to take us back up to East Hill plaza. Open intoxicants in the plaza parking lot anyone?
Sure and circle we did. Bleebs drank Blabs drank. The funnel award was passed on to P.P from Bitch Squealer (who had attached a bodacious beer coozey). I believe everyone actually had their mugs. One person who did not drink enough was Hung Man. You see Hung Man recently had a birthday for which he should have gotten an UP-Up. Howe! ver he insisted he needed to get away to see his daughter. Fine we let him go with a promise that he would be here for the next hash. Somebody mentioned a 69 side-side with Dances (as the next hash is a birthday hash for him) as punishment for getting away. We all hope Hung Man is there this week....It was a great trail and a great day.
On-On
Hound Whore
Date: Sun, 21 Nov 2004 21:34:53 -0500
It was the 21 st of November a Hash I'll always remember. The sky was clear and fifteen hashers were here! A virgin run for Just Ali's fun, Captain Slimey and his Dad W.T. who seems to think his old name stinks so he renamed himself wild thing! Phil MacCkacken and Hot Lips too were here to help us tip some beers. Three Times a Winnie, was once, twice, three times a rhyme! Bitch Squeler and Hound Whore and Star Sixty nine were ever so fine. Extra Testicle and Dances with Head were our ever so clever Hares . Pussy Pong and Pipi Longstocking with cox smith in tow were rocking the hash.
Hershey and Arlo were hashing and humping all over the trail.
Over Hill and over Dale went the Hash to many a downhill crashs, to the two beer stop we flew. With never athought for the backtrack we fought to find true trail. Past the four wheelers who took poor ET's Cooler we ran back to the house and to the circle we went.
AT the circle we drank for all of those beer we're thankful for, Our Hares drank and drank and drank some more, to many violation we must pour. Just Ali was our Virgin, and crashes were Star and 1/2 M , front running Bastards and come lately and those without mugs.Dry lip down down and awards From PP to Me we drank a toast.
To tame the wild Hash we piled on the burger and dogs and watch while we celebrated Dances 27 fu*ked up years. Out with cake and a hearty side side he drank, and with hardly a care the circle was closed.
After the circle we drank some more and ate some more and than we shot up what pumpkins we could find . It was a time I will remember with Star 69 shooting out the lights and Squeller was refering the wrestling matches in between song sung by ET while the rest of took slugs of Champane bought for the birthday boy.
So that my story and all though it doesn't really rhyme it all I had time for.
1/2 Monty
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 06:39:28 -0800 (PST)
It was a muddy day for the start of the Toothy Lunker
and Ball Wrinkle hash which started on Cornell's
Plantations. Joining us were Dances, P.Pong, Monty,
ET, Spike, Hound Whore, Road Kill, JSUAD, Lick Her
Harder, Brother of JUSAD, Just Eric, Hot Lips, Star
69, Bitch Squealer and others whose names I don't
recall because it's taken me so long to write this.
Thank god Ball Wrinkle suggested the crayon and paper
thing since C-smith won't let me use her computer
anymore after the unfortunate demise of her keyboard
the last time she left town and I got that free
one-week online membership from Road Kill to
farmanimalsaresexy.com
Anyway, enough about my online surfing
adventures.....after a few beers the hash started late
as usual on our way to find flour. A few minutes
later we were on our way through the mud and up and
over a small hill with lots of shiggy down through
another field, where low and behold, I look behind me
to see 1/2 Monty, two virgins and a dog who apparently
wandered into us while trail running and decided to
tag along. For a moment I worried that maybe they
didn't realize what they had gotten themselves into
and maybe I should go tell them that if they don't
turn around now, there will be no turning back, but I
soon noticed that Floss, L'Oral A. and MaxiPad have
now joined the hash and I'll be damned if I was going
to let those lushes at the beer first! So forgetting
about the plight of two hopeless virgins I sprinted
forward to the beer at a snail's pace, which I know is
faster than Floss, so I was safe.
After making fun of all the hashers who in their haste
to show their athletic prowess, had over shot the beer
stop, we were once again on our way following the well
laid trail up and over trails and on-on to the next
Beer stop. This time JSUAD admitted that he had
changed the trail marks so that Just Eric would run
right past the beer, and after making some more fun of
Just Eric and telling the Virgins more about hashing,
we were off again. When all of a sudden out of the
wilderness appeared what looked like a BAR! Piling
inside the hashers warmed themselves up with stories
from Lick Her Harder about how the rugby players used
to drink all the beer in this place every week. Try
as they might, the hashers were not able to live up to
this feat, so we gave up and headed for Toothy
Lunker's house for circle.
Circle was held around a bon-fire and trail was
described as "too dry", "too warm" with "not enough
beer" and down-downs were handed out accordingly to
hares BW and Toothy, virgins, Monty and Dances
probably had to do their usual down-down for not
remembering the words to songs, C-smith and ET had to
do down-downs for being overly-edumacated, apparently
ET fooled some unsuspecting committee into giving him
a Ph.D., Pong and Dances did down-downs for something,
Spike did a down-down (probably because I hear he
never sets trail), ET and LOA did a down-down because
LOA rode ET down a hill without a saddle, JUSHAD also
got his mug back!!! He thought he had smashed it to
smithereens years ago in an effort to get exorcise his
hash memories from his half-mind, and hopefully
improving his m*r*thon time in the process, but alas,
it was proven to the virgins that hashing is like a
curse, you can't get away once you've entered the
circle. Vibrator, Phil, Staffy Puller and Tequilla
Bill had to do down-downs for skipping trail all
together because they had more important things to do.
Awards were given to LOA for being a big pussy
(although we still don't remember the reason why?) and
Fishy Fingers received the dead baby award, apparently
because he and Toothy had procreated and Floss thought
this was a nice way to celebrate this (??)
The best quote from circle was given by one of the
virgins who exclaimed, "My roommate is NEVER going to
believe this!" as he stumbled away into the night air
and disappeared forever.
Pippi
-------------------------
Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2005 06:29:23 -0800 (PST)
Actually I think Pippi forgot to mention a couple of
things- the guy-virgin left after the hash and
returned, not with the same cute-girl-vigin he left
with but with another GUY! Apparently he needed
confirmation that this was for real and not all in his
head.
Also, we drank 6 pitchers of beer at the bar, there
were 5 dogs, 8 cars, and at least 3 people wearing
Eerie windbreakers- other than that, it was OK.....
:) LOA