Call the Hotline for Run Info!
(607) DUST 4 JR
(607) 387-8457
Date: Tue, 28 Jan 1997 21:32:54 -0500
Sorry this is soooo late getting out, but I've been away & when I
returned, I had to get into the swing of the new semester. Anyway, here
goes as I remember it....
Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away... oops! Wrong story!
Four score and seven years ago... Nope, thats not it! Hang on, I know
its in here somewhere
...She slowly undid his shirt caressing ever so... NO,NO,NO! WAIT, I
know!
Van Donsell road. Yep, thats what the directions say, but this can't
be it! Theres nothing back here but a bunch of fools with their cars
stuck in the mud! Oh wait, this IS it. A live hash began the 227th as
hares Skull and Might he Blow took off in opposite directions. Someone
decided to follow Skull (probably because he'd be the one to let someone
catch him) He led us on a roundabout through the finger lakes trails,
skirting ponds, dirt roads, and pine boughs untill we reached the second
leg of the hash. On-on through the Hill formerly known as Greek Peak
Ski Resort (with an emphasis on the word 'ski'). There was very little
snow that day although we did find enough to rub our legs and other
extremeties raw. On-on back into the woods and around and about with
surprisingly few injuries considering the treachery of the slopes.
Finally (to quote one of my favorite dittys) O'er the river and through
the woods to the most run down looking, out in the middle of nowherest,
nice on the inside place I've chanced to on-in at. Down-downs were
given, Awards were exchanged, and there was much rejoicing. Then
Bam-Bam was nice enough to allow an On-On-In at his humble abode (and
there was much rejoicing).
Hash Awards:
... aw damn, I dont remember.
PS can anyone do the ReHash for the 228th since I was out of town?
Thanks in advance.
Calvin Klimax
Date: Fri, 14 Feb 1997 13:31:11 -0500
Yeah, I know I'm a little slow on these...but too bad! (kidding)
ReHash #229
Upper Buttermilk Falls National Park.
Just listen to these testimonials!
"One of the most dangerous hashes to date"
"I laughed, I cried..."
"It was better than Cats!"
Running? Almost killing ourselves! We began the hash at upper
buttermilk where yours truly lost his keys! Fortunately for the hash,
someone else found them (of course he 'forgot' to tell me that he found
them until after the hash) hence the hash got a good laugh out of it I'm
sure. Running down into the woods we found the embankment becoming more
and more steep and more and more icy until we reached the bottom of a
waterfall (with a big crash), scenic and pristene in it's wintery
glory. No sooner did we wipe the snow and dirt off of ourselves than
did those nutty hares drive us up the other side of the hill and who the
heck would have thought to bring climbing gear! At probably close to an
eighty degree climb, most of us who didn't die trying managed to make it
to the top, including several dogs! After a short respite, we proceeded
on trail to a diabolical back check sending us down and then right back
up "that long and windy road to ruin" (actually I think that road led to
Ithaca, hmm... oh well.) Through the Park lands again we all trustingly
followed the park trail marked "CLOSED Due To Icy Conditions" and
luckily no one died there either. The on-in was at Vibrators new
Hacienda and there was much drinking, stumbling, shouting, and other
unmentionables that transpired (including jushaad yelling something to
the tune of "GET THAT THING OUT OF MY ASS!" but we won't go into detail
as to what that was all about. We had some relatively new hashers join
us. Our thanks to any new hashers and I hope that you'll all come
again.
Until next time,
Calvin
Date: Sun, 16 Feb 1997 20:25:21 -0500 (EST)
As Dr. Climax was not in attendance at hash 22?, I have taken it
upon myself to temporarily assume my previous role as Hash Scribe.
Note and Legal Disclaimer:
All information included the document to follow, herein referred to
as "the rehash", is the truth. The term "truth" is subject to the
definition, wills and ills of the author, Broken Pole. As all information
is truthful, it is subject to be entered into IH3 history and lore and
maybe used in the creation of names and assignment of penalties.
-Broken Pole, esq. (J.D. Cornell University, 1993. Degree stripped 1994)
A gray and wintry day at Taghanic Falls set the scene for the hash.
As hashers arrived on the scene, Trojan and Rides for Free were still
setting the hash BY CAR. Bam Bam announced the usual rules to virgin
hashers, and immediately hare Trojan informed the shivering mass of
harriers that the rules were as useful as a nose on one's ass. By way of
note, if any of you share the standard query of Bill, yes, "women were
there". The hashers were instructed that they were to make there way from
one destination to another by hook or by crook, where they would be
rewarded with candy and beer, because, as all know, they way to a hashers
heart is through a funnel.
The second stop on the run was the warming hut atop a sledding
hill. As Women There? and Broken Pole pitifully walked up the sledding
hill, they were surprised to see Captain Weenie sliding down the hill on a
garbage bag. While this does not seem too loony, the fact that he was
stark naked was enough to turn the heads of more than a few sledders.
Frighteningly, the cold air was enought to make Captain Weeny point to the
North Star. The beer was enjoyed on the hill, but the hashers then
realized it was necessary to return down the hill and the most efficient
way to accomplish this would be by sled. Trojan and Rides For Free again
could not pass up the opportunity to hitch hike. Trojan jumped atop of a
12 year old sledder and yelled "onward boy" and down the hill they
proceeded like Jack and Jill. It was rumored that Trojan lost and crown,
but his young steed was found suffering with broken ribs. Rides For Free
spurred on her teen-aged driver with aggressive use of a riding crop
producing considerable bruising a gash above the youngster's eye. Like
hashers in a urinal, the teenagers were left to fester and rot, and the
harriers continued onward. There next stop: the falls themselves.
As those hashers fleet of foot gazed upon the beauty of the falls
their eyes and ears were distracted by Tim standing atop the frozen falls
hollering as he peed a full 150 feet downward. All onlookers agreed that
he got some great arc. Others tried to repeat this impressive performance,
but slipped and fell to their deaths. Undeterred, the remaining hashers
returned to the north pavilion beside the lake to address the issue of the
On-In.
Accusations were taken, but this was cut short as there was a
sighting of False Erection. He could not be caught, but our German friend
was seen to have grabbed Nelson's ass. The down-downs proceeded in an
unusual fashion, that being that our lyrical serenades were sung with a
virtual absence of profanity. The reason for this was the presence of
IH3's youngest hasher, 7 year old Alex Broomfield, daughter of Slaps the
Puck. Thankfully we were at least out of tune. Bam Bam received a
down-down for wearing new shoes. He tried explain his way out of this
award by offering an odd excuse involving a midget, a donkey, and
considerable nudity, but his arguments did not stand. Despite weather
conditions that would make a polar bear get SNE (Spontaneous Nipple
Erection), Hot and Juicy was wearing shorts and therefore was awarded the
Horse's Ass. Ramelotions, Blue Butt and False Orgasm, in a long awaited
return to the hash, were awarded down-downs for diving into the cold lake
to track down and kill a duck which they eventually roasted over the fire
and ate. No belly dancing was observed by Falsett-O, much to the
distress of Women There?.
-Broken Pole
Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 09:12:24 -0500 (EST)
It was unbeleivably hot that day. I awoke smelling the sweet aroma of
flowers in bloom and hearing the finches chattering softly at my window
as the sun shone in. Then I realized I was still dreaming and woke up
with a start, alas, still in Ithaca and nearly late for the hash (or so I
thought.) I grabbed my breeches and ran out the door like a flash, not
realizing I had forgotten the directions to the Hash. I drove on anyway
figuring I'd find another poor soul who was lagging behind. Sure enough
there was one up ahead like a bat out of hell, to catch him I sped.
Unfortunately for me he drove like two bats out of hell! (sure enough,
none other than Skull.) Which brings me to the hash.
Damn Cold. Damn Wet. Damn Hung-over. Damn Back check! Damn Hash!
The hares took us through a minefield laden with killer cow-chips and
through the trenches and barbed wire. The feirce winds ever biting at us
we persevered at came out victorious. The on-in, short and sweetled me
to feel as though the reHash should be the same.
Until Next time,
Calvin
Cilvan
Lacvin
Licvan
Valcin
Vaclin
Niclan
Whatever
Date: Tue, 18 Mar 1997 20:09:26 -0500
Disclaimer: All spelling, grammar, and factual inacuracies are the
fault of St. Patrick's Day festivity residuals.
The hash began with a sighting of several hashers thought to be
deceased. 'Women there?' was reported to have turned absolutely ashen
with fright after seeing them. Along went the hash through Cornell's
Plantations and beyond. Several Leperchauns were reported spotted but
further inspection revealed mass hallucinations due to the pungent odor
of someones foul-smelling socks (no doubt!) Apparently the hares who
have been going ice-skating recently wanted to prove their proficiency
on this chilled medium and so set a reckless iced path along a
treacherously steep cliff (of course it wouldn't be a hash without
someone getting hurt!) The trail, mysteriously largely along public
roadways gave the sneaky suspicion to many that auto-hashing had occured
(that and the large amounts of flour on the rear weelwells of a certain
hare's truck) Ribbed, wearing a fine green dress is now filing a sexual
harrasment suit against an unnamed hasher who apparently asked him out
too many times. Remember guys, No-No means No! (its not just on-on
backwards) The hash ended at 'Women There?''s house and after
down-downing (heavy) dark beer, everyone was lulled into deep comas and
some had not even revived by the next day for the St. Patrick's Day
festivities. And that laddies, is the truth!
Date: Thu, 27 Mar 1997 10:30:07 -0500 (EST)
"I saw Hale-Bopp... It was to die for"
Disclaimer: The veiws depicted in this ReHash are not neccisarily the
views of the author. They are merely rediculous concoctions in a
never-ending attempt for the "author" to be "funny".
The Surgeon General has determined that reading this may be hazardous to
ones health!
Hammond Hill Hash # 233
Snow on the ground and a chill in the air made it difficult to beleive
that spring was upon us but, taking into consideration that this is
Ithaca, it was understandable. The trail, well marked, would have
undoubtably been revered by Art who is so fond of a cherry Kool-Aid(R)
trail. Had False Erection, or Broken Pole been there, I might have been
inclined to join them for a refreshing dip in the pond found along the
trail and then basked in the sun on the dock but alas they too were
absent. I was quite daunted that other former "regulars" such as
Blue-Butt didn't show, so much in fact, that I took a gratuitous spill
for them. Skull was unpresent and missed the goodies which I am quite
certain he would have enjoyed. Those who were there, The few, The Proud,
The (insane?) fought the biting wind, the icy conditions, the
innumerable false trails (see note) and the urge to swim in the pond and
to go under the dock (despite the warning) and were rewarded for it (some
more than others.)
Note:
I fear that the hashers are becoming spoiled. Premium Beer and
fine cheeses, nuts, bread, and... CORN NUTS! They have lived the good
life and it pains me to see them no longer checking out the false trails,
no longer leaving the check points after the fifth has arrived, no longer
leaving the hash rest until picked up and prodded. Now all they want is
beer and goodies on trail, and a smorgasbord afterwards. Are we not
hashers? Perhaps we can have the next hash catered by a 1st class
caterer, we'll all dress in formal attire, and speak like Thurston Howell
from Gilligan's Island and eat tiny sandwiches and baby corn and fish
eggs. Perhaps we'll do a hash using limousines or just get someone else
to run while we sing songs and drink beer, no, how about champagne.
Actually, I think I may have something here!
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 1997 12:04:53 -0400 (EDT)
Well, since the next hash directions are already out, I suppose last
weeks rehash is overdue.
For those who didn't come, they missed a good hash. People came
from as far away as Germany and New York City to behold this event! It
was all inclusive (getting wet, getting muddy, getting tired, getting
drunk, getting lost, getting hurt...etc). It began in Lansing at the
High School and went up through the woods, track and field, a
playground, up a hill, through a field, on the road (of course we
auto-hashed!(wouldn't you?!?))through the woods, across creeks, swimming
in a pond (and getting stranded in the middle on a tube). We also had
the honor of hosting for the worlds youngest hasher, Bill's son, Chris at
10 yrs, he ran the whole thing! Much unlike a normal hash, however, we
asked... what's it called?... permission to cross through some peoples
yards and were rewarded by H2O Down-Downs of which young Chris evidently
couldn't wait for the on-in and gave himself about three! And that was
the hash, sorry if you missed it!
CK
Date: Sat, 26 Apr 1997 15:23:06 -0400 (EDT)
No Shiggy at Shindagen
While this author did not encounter much shiggy this past Sunday,
but, it did not stop IH3 from having riotous fun at the hollow. Hares
Women There? Rebecca, and Bat Girl were reported to have scouted out the
territory days in advance and did a good job at that. Testicle Ice Rider
was an intended hare but he spent the day sheperding Roadkill's flock of
sheep. Hilarity was had even before the first "on, on" as Nape and Cherry
Patch ventured into the woods for relief, but found little due to Women
There? constantly crying out "We can still see you".
An uphill start was had but this did not stop some hashers from
showing overexuberence with rapid feet. Graham seemed to be on cat nip
for the entire hash as he was seen from scouting out false trails,
sprinting, creating his own trails, and ripping plants out of the ground
with his teeth. Snarling was often heard from the geologists but this was
attributed to chemical reactions between the rock heads and some unique
mica suspended in the water. Rumours (
Though not with the hash, Pole somehow had a telepathic link with
the harriers and is therefore able to tell of the other "truths" that took
place on the run. Oddness started when Nape who leapt atop Bam Bam's back
and rode him down the trail yelling "Move it Male Dog!" as she spanked poor
Bam Bam's butt. As this call briefly reminded False Orgasm of the
popular, but erroneous conclusion that all men are scum, she immediately
began to throttle poor Bob with a stick until blood shot 4 feet out of his
eye-sockets and Katie was required to save him. Katie really just wanted
the stick. A free for all arose in a swampy region of the woods and Alex's
plea of "Can't we all just get along" was answered by all, as he was
pounded 3 feet into the soggy ground. He was left for the buzzards.
There was a shaking of hands and the bloody troupe marched down the
trail singing Peter Cottentail for some unknown reason and glee filled the
harriers souls on the approach the boy's reform school. It took Women
There a full half hour to convince a guard that he was not an escapee and
it was not helpful to Mr. There's cause, that Bubbles pointed to the Skull
Tattoo and referred to the detainee as a "Bad Boy". Rrrrrrralph! employed
her legal skills and had Women There? released.
It was then that a familiar voice was heard to yell inside the
"prison", "Come back little boy, I was a valedictorian at UNC!" We now
know why Peewee has not been hashing lately. At this time Skull arrived
and provided a timely update regarding Roadkill's whereabouts and it had
something to do with being in the presence of the yak-like cows down the
road. No one pressed for more details.
The hash finished as a footrace won by Graham, for which he enjoyed
a yummy down-down at Skull's place. The fashion statement of the weekend
was made by Andre (Pop-up?) by wearing a sweater throughout the hash.
After the on-in a small group comprised of Pole, Hungman, Skull,
Swing-low, Phil McCrackin, Easy Access, and Women There? made way to The
Chariot in order to fulfill there wishes of being offensive in public.
Swing Low and Skull did not hold back as they sang, at full volume (this is
no exaggeration), songs that would embarrass pimps and prostitutes. Being
prudish, and therefore not truly genuine hashers, Pole, McCrackin, and
Women There? (oh, please oh, please let there be women there!) raced to the
bar for hard liquor as this was the only way they could protect their
prisitine souls, but as a result, they found themselves swimming around
the bottom of a few glasses. Skull, Hungman, SwingLow, and Access joined
into the Mind Eraser races which further greased the joints of these
celebrants. A dart game followed and to Pole's pleasure, the darts sailed
aloft the melodic notes of Willie Nelson as they made there way to the
board. Most dart flew errantly, but this was largely due to forward
actions of Access as she tried to make Pole and SwingLow miss at least two
out of three throws as the penalty for such awful hurling was dropping ones
shorts. -Yes, we were still in The Chariot-. At one point Swing Low was
heard to shout to our waitress Rachel, "Hey, do you want to see Andy's
underwear". The prudish Pole made her turn her back.
Skull was later found near passed out on his bathroom floor. It
appears that Skull and SwingLow's earlier efforts at killing the keg had
quite an effect on the slighter of the two hashers.
-Broken Pole
Date: Thu, 03 Jul 1997 11:59:58 -0400
Has everyone seen the movie Deliverance with Ned Beatty and Burt
Reynolds? It supposedly took place in South Carolina but I think it
took place right at Conneticut Hill State Forest!! I think Capt. Weenie
was playing the part of Ned Beatty but he got his parts mixed up as he
was complaining of a leg injury (That was Burt Reynold's part.) Weenie
was supposed to have a sore butt. Speaking of Butts, Two namings were
ironically Woodwacker(Lee) and Back Door Boy(not Ned Beatty). Although
we were in the Woodcock and Pheasant preserve, the only wildlife I saw
were two rednecks who looked conspicuously like the actors in
Deliverance and undoubtably are the real reason for Back Door Boy's
naming. Throughout the run I kept hearing this Banjo (bidling ding ding
ding ding ding ding) and I thought to myself "HOW BIZARRE!!"
Fortunately, unlike the movie, there were no casualtys although like the
movie, all of the survivors came out different people, only half sane.
I know that night I woke up screaming and in a cold sweat, How about
you?
Thanks to all the Rochester Hashers who visited and constituted nearly
half of our turnout. If you see Condom Failure, Clinger, Suresh, Nurse
Ratshit, Dick Tease or anyone else I forgot to mention, give them a
hearty On-On!
Until Next time,
CK
Date: Tue, 30 Sep 1997 08:11:12 -0400 (EDT)
Greetings Hashers!
While I certainly lack the Hash scribe's gift for lies and innuendo, I
was present at (most of) the last Hash, and therefore feel qualified to
offer my brief summary of our escapades...
On the last day of summer, a sunny, crisp September day, 30 intrepid Hashers
gathered eagerly at the Taughannock overlook to see what danger Hot Lips
could spit out. The beautiful Fall weather (perfect for Hashing) had
attacted several new faces.
Unfortunately, yours truly was not among them. Clara and I were slowly
wending our way down Taughannock Boulevard, with Phil McCracken
tailgating wildly behind us trying to avoid Blab-hood. Unfortunately for
Phil, only one road leads to Taugannock Park.
Using our keen senses, we were able to track the faint trail left by 30
large mammals bushwacking through the forest (though, admittedly, the
toots from HotLips horn did help...) We tracked our quarry up a vertical
cliff of living mud! Perhaps it was here that Capt. Weenie donned his
fetching off-one-shoulder outercoat of mud??
Our wily hares led us on an extended tour of the Park hitting many
highlights -- to long views of Cayuga Lake, past deadly mushrooms, by
vines of tasty wild grapes, through terrifying bat-infested tunnels.
(Apparently several Park-goers reported hearing the blood-curdling
screams of Hashers as they were attacked by these vicious and rabid
beasts). And no report of our Hash would be complete without mention of
Roadkill's attempt to win our coveted fashion award - he was dressed in a
delightful neon green shirt with matching gloves (dyed to match, no doubt).
Well, there was more but that's all I remember now. On-on...
Date: Mon, 8 Dec 97 18:32:22 EST
Ithaca HHH 250th Run
I attended the Ithaca 250th hash yesterday. Good turnout. Hashers
from Rochester and Syracuse were in attendance and of course there
were a few Ithaca hashers there too. The run started at 2:30 or
so. The early arrivals were kept entertained by the slipping and
sliding of everyone else as they attempted to negotiate the frozen
backroad leading to the start of the run. The run started out
normal enough. Then we were stopped mid-hash by a bunch of hunters
that were just a little pissed that we were running around yelling
ON-ON! whilst crossing their private land and interrupting their
killing. Skull talked us out of it and we eventually got back on
our way. I got a picture of the hash with the hunters. The hash
included a frozen water crossing. The ice creaked and cracked all
the way across. There was a check in the middle of the pond. I
went the wrong way of course.
At the ON-IN there were 30+ hashers packed into Skull's small
apartment. Great party, especially the naked snow angels that some
of the hash women (and men, but who cares) made outside. By the
time the night was over we were all wading through a mass of peanut
shells and pretzels that had accumulated on the floor. Later in
the evening after ample beers, Skull started giving away his
"extra" hash t-shirts. If I didn't already have 20 or 30 myself, I
would have grabbed one. The only requirement was that you had to
put the shirt on right then. Note that the rule was only enforced
for the women. He also demonstrated a solo butt-chug to those that
hadn't seen one before. I don't think anyone will ask again. Beer
run at about 8. The keg was dead and so was all of Skull's
personal beer... and wine. I was the last to leave his trashed
Apt. We spent the last 1/2 hour discussing all the hash women that
we collectively lust over. 1.5 hours later, with no traffic stops
I arrived safely at home.
I'll leave it up to someone else to describe the other activities
that occurred at the ON-IN. Such as the body shots, the Belly
Button lint collection, Gonna Blow doing something with her velvet
undies that I missed 'cause I was outside at the time. Why did
Calvin Climax have Vibrator's shirt on? Who really spit beer on
Bubbles and blamed it on me? Bam Bam's secret plan to have 250
down-downs at the 250th run. etc.
All in all, I considered the event a very good investment of my
time... and brain cells.
ON-OUT,
Ball Wrinkle